Best thing I’ve read today

22 04 2014

Gay men are not shallow or superficial at all:

“i have model looks so im not into unattractive guys.”

I guess it’s Craigslist, so what do you expect, but really? Come on.





My cat is my best friend

21 04 2014

I just wanted to say that.

IMG_1587





Reading over old diary entries

19 04 2014

Isn’t it kind of depressing?

In all fairness, it completely depends on your childhood and your entries, but man, from the way I detail everyday events, my life sounded pretty horrible. I think I just felt powerless — at home, at school, with my crushes — and apparently my mom yelled at me a lot. I wonder if I should include that in my memoir…

In any case, I’m really glad I had a journal(s). Did you keep journals growing up? Were they helpful in any way?





Strength

18 04 2014

It takes an amazing amount of strength, as I learned tonight, to leave someone you care about behind. Literally. I ran away from. But I’ve bruised my own self-esteem so much, I had to do it for myself, even if his words were so sweet and melted me. It only made things harder.





What does this mean?

17 04 2014

Let’s say you message someone online or through an app, and you both get really into the conversation, replying to each other’s messages quickly. The conversation gradually steers from general chit chat to more sexual stuff, and you end up talking about all the dirty things you want to do to each other. This person says they can meet you the next day to do said sexy things, and you get really excited about it because aside from the conversation being really hot, this person doesn’t come off as a complete moron (and it doesn’t hurt that they are good-looking).

The day comes and you’re super excited until class finishes so that you can meet them. When you do, you end up having a great time; yes, there was sex with plenty of making out and all that, but it was different in that instead of tearing off each other’s clothes and going crazy like you might have thought, it was slow, unrushed. It seemed passionate.

When things were done, you put your arms around them and fell asleep a bit, something that never happens when hooking up. You had to get home though, and they offered you to stay the night. It was sweet gesture, you thought, but maybe some other time.

The next few days, you want to meet up again but they say they are busy. At one point, they pointedly say something along the lines of, “I don’t want to do stuff with you again” and offer to be friends.

So I’m confused. What does this mean? Are they just being a complete jerk? Am I wrong for getting upset? Was there really not much there to begin with? But how to explain the sleeping over thing? I feel like such a girl about feelings and shit when apparently no gay guys out there care about stuff like this. It affects me a lot, more than anyone really knows. And if I bring it up, I seem like an emotional, clingy weirdo, but I feel like it’s society that has conditioned people to think feelings and talking about them are weird.

Ugh. Fuck.





Set in

16 04 2014

I can feel the laziness slowly creeping up my leg,
seizing a hold of my dick — with my hand on it
and my eyes are black holes
consuming anything/everything projected –
lights
sounds
words
space
Two hours have passed
but it feels like I live in a white room and I am ageless.





I hate cover letters

15 04 2014

I probably wouldn’t have hated them so much if I hadn’t felt like I needed to pretty much completely rework my existing cover letter format. And now my cat’s under my dusty, dirty bed, probably playing with my dead skin. How lovely.








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