I don’t understand people.

16 02 2017

[About two days’ with of relatively engaging, interesting chat on Grindr later]

Me: Do you like cuddling?

Him: Of course. Who doesn’t?

Me: Some people don’t. I think they’re lizard people.

Him: haha, lizard people is right.

Me: I also once converted a non-cuddlier into a cuddle fanatic.

Him: hahaha, look at you go!

Me: Would you like to cuddle sometime?

[No reply for several hours]

Me: [in an attempt to not come off as a slut] Or we could go for coffee/drinks first before jumping into bed.

[No reply for several more hours]

[He’s logged in, hasn’t responded]

Me: is that a no?

[Conversation disappears: I’ve been blocked (or he deleted his account, who knows)]

I don’t get it. I thought it was going fine. Did I do something wrong?


Sexual racism encounter #74

29 11 2016

On Grindr:

Him: I’m Italian Canadian. What’s your ethnicity?
Me: (hesitantly) I’m Chinese. May I ask how old you are?

Five seconds later, the conversation disappears. I’ve been blocked.


23 07 2016

A friend of mine was showing me Tinder and how she had more than 800 matches. I admit: I was jealous. There was no way in hell I would ever have 800 conversations on Grindr, not even close to half that. But seeing her matched with some admittedly attractive guys got me hoping that it could also happen to me on Tinder. After all, there were bound to be more guys on Tinder, which meant more potential matches. I wouldn’t have to talk with 50 year old men if I didn’t want to. It sounded great.

Then I realized one crucial thing: she was a Korean woman, desired by many straight men. I was a Chinese gay man, desired, based on experience, by much fewer. Without getting into sexual politics and preferences/requirements and the differences between heteros and homos, I realized being gay and Asian is always going to be an uphill battle no matter the app, dating site, lot otherwise.

I’ve an app exactly like Tinder on my phone but for gay men called Surge. It currently has great reviews in the Play store, so I gave it a try. I swiped right for so many profiles when I first got started, and then waited impatiently for the matches to appear. I got very few in return, to the point where I wondered if something had gone wrong. I had liked countless guys but had matched with a small handful… Which meant that the majority of them had no interest in me. It was a really saddening conclusion.

So wouldn’t Tinder just be the same? They always say it’s better to try because at least you know.

I already know.

Grindr: 2013-2014

20 01 2014

Uninstalled Grindr today. The proceeded to eat half a bag of rice chips. Huzzah.

Conversations on Grindr

18 01 2014

ME: Would you be up to cuddle sometime then?

HIM: No, thank you.

ME: Ok. Do you ever want to meet or talk again then?

HIM: We can talk, yes. I’m just not looking for anything clingy.

ME: Ok. I will be so detached and distant, you may think I’m a douchebag.

Not cut out for this world

14 01 2014

It’s a good line for a suicide note, eh?

I don’t feel like I’m in the right era. I may have blogged about this already, but I constantly feel like I’m living in the wrong time period. In this day and age of cellphones, Internet dating, and Grindr, not to mention things like being friend-zoned, love and relationships are so much more complicated that it used to be. Whatever happened to courting and romancing, fighting for someone’s love? Now it’s playing hard to get and the delicate balance of not texting too much but just enough — I don’t know how to navigate such complicated and frankly, absurd things like this. It’s all too much to monitor and to keep in line, at least for me. I don’t know how everyone else does it. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it and how to date in this world.

Mostly, I feel like I’m a chivalrous knight living in the 21st Century in North America where everyone has Facebook. Maybe I should just give up and become a monk.

What makes the night

29 12 2013

Convincing a fellow gay that language like “no Asians” is indeed racist language that has harmful and negative consequences. Yesssssssssssss!