Un Pas (English translation)

For those who want to know what I’m singing.

Un Pas (English translation)

A step
Can change life.
A step,
It’s so easy.
Left, in front, right,
A step, a step for me.

I am very high,
So high that I see the clouds.
And if, if I shouted,
No one would hear me.

A step
Can change your life.
A step,
It’s so easy.
Now, I have a lot of choices,
A step, a step for me.

To the right, safety.
Like all the decisions I’ve made.
But in front, it calls my name.
I can feel myself falling.

A step
Can change my life.
A step,
It’s so easy.
It was the time, I believe.
A step, the step for me.

Unpopular me

Let me start off by first saying I feel weird starting off a new post so… vainly/self-centeredly.  It’s weird.  But it’s something that I’ve thought about time and time again so I thought I’d get it down into something concrete.

I’ve never really felt popular, ever since I was little.  Maybe it’s because of my shy nature, which I’m sure is a large part of it.  But then there are still some quiet people who are still somewhat well-known, at least in my high school anyway.  And sure, high school’s not exactly an accurate representation of reality, but if anything, it was a hint at what I was going to expect later in life.

It’s always just been my small group of friends, which I’m of course really happy to have (they’re super people!).  But when I go play shows, it’s always the same small group of friends; there aren’t people who come up to me after to talk a bit or to grab a demo or anything while other musicians seem to pull in fans here and there, leaving me confused.  Should I try to be funnier or talk about different things when I play?  Should I play more familiar songs?  Or maybe…

It’s me.  It’s just the way life goes.  Maybe some of us will only have so many friends, fans and whatnot.  Maybe I’ll never be well-known beyond my family and friends for anything I’ll do.  What a depressing thought.

Sometimes I want to prove myself wrong.  Sometimes I want to add a gazillion friends on facebook and myspace or post up half-naked pictures of myself on online dating sites or make myself over by buying tighter clothes and working out every day in the hopes that maybe more people will notice me.

Notice me.  That’s all I really want from everyone.  To see me.

Other times I just accept it.  I’m just one of those people who doesn’t get noticed.  Too f-ing bad. Deal with it. No matter what I do, no one’s going to take notice of your music, of your films, of any of the things you write.  You’re going to wind up peniless and your mom will phone you up and say, “I told you so!”

And secretly, I wish I could just send an e-mail or something to Ellen Degeneres and introduce myself as a gay musician/artist in BC, and how no one seems to see me.  Then, she’ll read it out on her talk show where she’ll phone me up and I’ll be like, “Holy crap, it’s Ellen!!! WTF!”  and after, she’ll invite me down to the show where I’ll play a song or two on the show and since she’s awesome and so nice, she’ll sign me to her record label (my sister told me she started a record label because of some kid that did a cover of… Lady Gaga?  I think?).

Then maybe people would hear me.

In the meantime, I’ll just be doing random posts like these, for no one (except maybe Chelsea) to read.

Almost Here (song)

A song I wrote with the lyrics partly based on lyrics of a song in David Levithan’s novel Boy Meets Boy, which is one of my favourite books of all time. I really really really hope that with the success of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and his upcoming movie adaptation of Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List, maybe Boy Meets Boy will get made into a film as well.  If so, it would be so frickin’ awesome if this was included but obviously I’m not holding my breath.

Enjoy!

10 Defining Moments of My Life (so far) — #7: Music

7.  I had managed to snag my friend to come along with me to this coffee shop in Burnaby I had never been to.  I phoned earlier to ask about signup times and was told that it started at 8:00.  We both got there at around 7:30, in awe of the small setting and the music equipment on stage.  My friend saw this chalkboard of times and told me to sign up for a time.  I wrote my name down for 8:20, the first act after the host played at 8:00.  The waiting and anticipation was incredibly hard to handle.  My friend was extremely nervous, for both of us, as we didn’t know what would happen.  Finally, when my time rolled around, I was called to the stage.  Because the café already had a piano there, and most people that performed were guitarists, the host asked me, “Are you doing spoken word?” to which I shook my head and pointed to the wooden piano.  After I played my 20 minutes, I received positive comments by a few audience members and I was filled with such humility and I genuinely felt like a real musician, despite always being told from my family that I sucked at everything.

Losing Time

An unreleased song I wrote many a year ago.

Losing Time

Time, here it comes, there is goes
Never waiting for anyone
Not today, nor tomorrow
It’s all in your hands

Hope for the best but the worst
Always shows up at your doorstep
So play along, waste your time
‘Cuz you know it’s worthwhile

Chorus:

I’m losing time in this dead-end world,
Finding out that nothing’s the way I want it to be.
If only I could rearrange this paradox,
‘Cuz it’s better to live illusion than to face reality.

Here, chasing ghosts in my mind
Unable to let go of history
Of regrets, of all the things
We could have been saying.

And in this vain generation
Are we just stupid or blind?
‘Cuz we seem too afraid, to face the truth
And this truth is mine.

Chorus

Close me, comfortably
Make me feel like I’ve got something to live for.
Dispose me, quickly
Make me feel like I’ve got something to die for.

Here it comes, there it goes  x4

Chorus

Can you sense it?  Can you feel it?
Can you sense it?  You’re losing time
Can you sense it?  Can you feel it?
Can you sense it?  You’re losing time, you’re losing time,
You’re losing time.

Candy-coated Hearts

While I’m on the topic of music, here’s another composition I wrote a couple years back.  Thanks to my fan/friend Steph who titled this piece.

Forgotten Memory (Aisle 8)

Forgotten Memory ( Aisle 8 )

I spend a lot of time
Relentlessly pursuing what I’d erased
You think I would’ve learned my lesson
But that isn’t the case

And I’m bleeding out the memories of you
The ones that leaked from my head
And as it trickles down my arm
I grasp every word ever said

So the minutes pass by
As I waste another precious moment
In aisle 8
Yeah, the seconds tick by
As I waste another precious moment
Staring at a faded memory
In the arms of aisle 8

Fumbling with a string of forgotten words
I remember the reason I’m here
Oh you barrage and you fight me like a disease
Until it becomes me who has disappeared

And the record skips one more time around
Capturing glimpses of the past
But it does no good as it reminds me
Of all the things I longed to have

Repeat chorus

And I wish I had the decency to see
All the things that blinded me
From the world and everything completely
I learn to tune you out finally

Repeat chorus

Empty

I guess it would be appropriate to start my blog of writing with the first song lyrics I wrote when I was 17. At the time, I felt very alone and kinda depressed and didn’t have an outlet for my thoughts. One thing lead to another and I found myself writing and re-writing lyrics to what would be the first song I wrote.

At the bottom of the page is the video for the song.

Empty

I lie to make myself feel better
But even after, I’m still dead
Something inside yearns for more
More than this, more than this

And though I’ve not fully understood it
My mind plays tricks on me
Telling me that there’s more to life
Than the world that I see

CHORUS
Empty
Empty
After all is said and done
I still feel empty

I’ve fallen so many times it’s hard to think twice
To the point where my misery becomes my bliss
And everything they say is a way to die
and everything else is always a lie

And though I’ve not fully understood it
My mind plays tricks on me
Telling me that there’s more to life
Than this world that I see

CHORUS x2
I don’t wanna feel
I don’t wanna feel
I don’t wanna feel anymore
I don’t wanna feel
I don’t wanna feel
I don’t want to, I don’t want to feel… anymore

I lie to make myself feel better
But even after, I’m still…