A dream about this blog

28 01 2010

It seemed so real.  If only…

I don’t remember what lead up to it, but I found myself looking at the Vancouver Sun (or maybe it was the Province?).  There was a small article about me and my blog, talking about how I’m “calm” and “charming” and how the third entry of my blog, which was supposed to be a poem of some sort, was very emotional and that people should go to my blog and read my stuff.

There was someone else there with me, and I remember telling that person, “This article would explain the large jump in views over those days a while ago!”  I was really happy, to say the least.  Not only had someone actually noticed my blog and my writing, but they had taken the time to write about it and advise others to go and check it out.  Wow.

Then there was something about London Drugs and this guy who I was holding hands with in a truck was at some boat house and I had to be quiet because I was in a house too and there was a bad guy sleeping.  But then I woke up and for a minute, thought the part about my blog was real… and then, I realized I don’t read the paper other than for the music and movie reviews and then became disappointed.

Getting exposure has always been hard for me, and I’m not really sure why.  I think it’s a combination of things: that I don’t have zillions of friends on facebook/myspace; I’m not very extroverted or social compared to other people; I have a small network of close friends that I talk to (as opposed to ones I consider as acquaintances); I don’t really do anything that gets me noticed, etc.  I don’t feel like I stand out in a crowd.  I do, however, feel like once you get to know me, I stand out because of all the creative stuff I do and dedicate my time to, but if you saw me on the street, I’m just another guy.

On every site I join, I always seem to be less popular than others; youtube, facebook (my music profile), myspace… how do these people do it?  For youtube, it’s having the right videos.  For facebook and myspace, it’s a bit harder.  Sure, you can have a million fans, but of those fans, who actually cares and likes your music?  I am told my music is good but obviously being good is not enough to get more people interested; a while back, I was reading about Adam what’s-his-face, the guy behind Owl City, about how he started up a myspace page around the same time I did.  He didn’t tell anyone about it but apparently, his music was so good, the word spread about him and soon, he was up to a few hundred thousand plays.  He then got a record deal, made an album, released a single… why can’t that happen with me?

I struggle with making people care about what I do, more than most people, it seems.  I’m really sure either what I can do; sure, I can talk to more people and tell them about my music/writing/screenplays.  I guess that would be a start.

Perhaps I just don’t have very good luck.  Perhaps I’m simply not lucky enough.  Perhaps my type of music just doesn’t appeal to people or perhaps I’m not as good as my friends tell me and the reality is that people don’t like to become fans of crappy musicians.  Perhaps I will never be super popular, as well-known as I want to be (ugh, how depressing…).

But I’ll keep trying. As long as there’s someone listening.