Nothing

There’s this urge that comes over me when I’m sitting at home, relaxing, that I shouldn’t be doing it — that I have an assignment to write, or a test to study for. I have to tell myself that it’s okay, and that I’m allowed to for the next four months. I’m allowed to do nothing (if I want, but I’m too motivated to do other things to simply do nothing).

You know there’s something wrong with you…

when the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning is, “Man, I can’t wait to work on that essay.”

Zombie sheep student

This term has been surprisingly difficult.  I’ve been finding myself falling asleep when trying to read something on the bus, which has never happened before.  There was even a time, earlier this week, when I was so tired I almost nodded off  on the bus and became one of those annoying students who I criticize in my head for not getting enough sleep.

Even while I was studying at Langara, this didn’t happen.  UBC is turning me into a zombie sheep person.  Ahh!

Two more weeks

And then the craziness with things to write, read, and watch will be over.  Until next semester.  For once, I am getting a little overwhelmed with things.  But only a little.  I can handle it, since I’m a superstar.

The Rat and the Desks

Here is a translation of my short story, El ratón y los pupitres.

The Rat and the Desks

The worst day of the year: the first day of classes.

Between the flood of cars, kids, parents, teachers, and lots of noise, I sit in my jail for yet another year again, watching the crowds through the window.  On the blackboard, I’ve written “Mr. Lema.”  The desks in the room are dull, empty, and cold.  Slowly, students enter, talking in loud voices, laughing.  They never pay attention to me, never look at me.  When they fill the desks, I stand up.

“Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Sixth Grade.  My name is Mr. Lema,  your teacher.  We’re going to learn a ton of stuff this year.  I hope you’re all ready and excited.”

They all laugh.  I imagine that I am the joke they are laughing at.

***

I remember when I was a child.  I loved to learn everything — math, science, geography, music.  I was so curious about the entire world.  But when I see kids today, with their high-tech gadgets, their diverse and confusing vocabulary, their indifferent and bored faces, it’s all a reminder that these boys and girls aren’t like I was.  Enthusiasm, passion — it’s not there anymore these days.

Or maybe it never existed.

***

One day, the principal tells me that a new student is registering in my class.   I don’t think about this news much.  While the class arrives, I short and quiet boy, like a mouse, stands at the door.  He looks at the floor in silence.  But I can see something special in the eyes of this young boy, something shining, like a little diamond waiting to be mined.  During class, he doesn’t read, and seems afraid of everything.

The students are outside during recess.  I am sitting at my desk when I feel someone in the room.  It’s him, of course, and I smile because I see those shining gems.

For a month, during lunchtime, I help him with his studies, especially English.  I can feel the quiet passion in this little mouse, the curiosity in his constant questions.  He never tells me about his family or where he comes from.  Little by little, he talks more and more in class, better and better.

One Friday, we are in the Music Room.  He sees all the different instruments in awe.  I pick up a trumpet, my favourite instrument.

“Would you like to learn how to play this?” I ask him.  He nods, a smile on his face.

“It’s a small instrument but loud,” I say.  “I can teach you tomorrow.”

***

I haven’t seen him since that day.  People say his family simply left.

While the bored students arrive as usual, and the grand noise returns again, I sit at my desk and I notice the dull and flat desks in the room.  I notice that the students that fill the desks year after year, both waiting for nothing.

 

The end of things to come

Perhaps you are wondering about the conclusion for Good Morning, Heartache.  Well, don’t fret.  It is in the works and will be posted shortly.  Frankly, I’m not even sure how it ends.

I realized earlier today that my two exams that I have to write tomorrow and Wednesday are potentially the last two exams I will ever have to write.  Even if I get accepted into the Creative Writing Program at UBC, I wouldn’t have to write any exams (I think).  So hurrah!  This is the end of things to come.

Will post something special soon.

But not tonight.  Have to get some sleep as the last two weeks of school will probably be hectic, not to mention being a part of the Programming Committee again at the Queer Film Fest.  It’s strange, but I never thought my life would ever be busy.  I guess I never thought I would ever find that much to do in life.

 

Blabbity blah

I finally watched The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan tonight and it was really eye-opening and a very well-made documentary.  I’m glad I got the chance to see it despite missing it at the Queer Film Fest.  Will post a review of it and the other films I have yet to review sometime.

I’ve already complained about school but I’ll do it again briefly here.  Next term, I will not take so many courses, or at least such intensive ones.  Must try and have a life outside of classes to write, play music, and make films.

Lastly, research essays will be the death of me.  Curses.

So many movies to watch

So little time… especially in between school and studying.  Next term I’ll try to take it a bit easier so I can actually try and have a life.

Meow.

Change

Maybe it’s that it’s only a week into the school term but I don’t feel excited about any of the courses like I used for previous semesters.  Everything seems so much more formal, with more work and less fun.  I also don’t know any of the instructors nor students in my classes, which makes things a little more difficult.

I’m gonna vent a bit.  Here’s a list of the courses I’m taking this term.

1.  French conversation and literature.  I specifically took this course because even though I honestly feel like I will never be fluent in French, I would at least have the opportunity to practice speaking in the class, which I didn’t get a lot to do in any of my previous French classes.  It was always more focused on grammar, reading, and writing, which is good, but I don’t plan on reading/writing– I want to speak the language.  And since I took a conversation Spanish course in the Spring, I thought this course might be along the same lines, where we would get paired up every class and just talk to someone with everyday questions and sentences.

So far, that isn’t the case.  There was review of grammar, lots of vocab I haven’t seen before, and since I’m very rusty on my French, having taken my last French class over a year ago, a lot of I had forgotten.  I really do hope we get to actually speak a lot more because that’s the whole reason I took this course, but I’m not holding my breath.  I see this as the last change I’m giving to my French abilities and it will probably be the last French course I’m taking (unless there is a strictly conversational French course which I might consider).

2.  Sociology.  I was really excited about this one because it was my first Sociology course I would be taking and it was also a course that seemed really interesting (social problems).  Even though it’s an online course, I wasn’t deterred by that, as I’ve never taken an online course before so I thought I’d give it a try.  It’s only been a few days, so there really isn’t a whole lot to say about this class except that the first assignment/presentation is due not next Monday but the Monday after that, and we’re put in groups to do that, which I think might be hard to do/organize since it is an online course.

I also just don’t feel excited about learning about it anymore.  I think it’s because I was reading some of the textbook and it was really, really dry and boring.

3.  Health Sciences.  Like Sociology, I was really looking forward to this class because it’s about human sexuality, which I think is amazingly complex and fascinating.  The class has been okay so far, not much to complain about.

4.  English.  The instructor who is teaching the class is one that I have wanted to take a class with for many semesters now, and it’s finally happened.  I think he talks quickly (not a bad thing) and has a good sense of humor, and I’ve always liked English courses too.  The amount of reading in the class makes me a bit apprehensive though, and the projects too.

In almost all the classes, there’s a mark for participation, which I dread because I’m usually the quiet guy in the class, and I often lose marks because of that.  All in all, I just don’t feel the same as I did before about classes, and maybe it’s a sign that I’m ready to finish school, at least for now.  It’s good thing I’ll be graduating next year, I suppose. I’m also getting tired of this city, but that’s a whole other story.  I thought about dropping one of my classes but I think I can stick it out, and that things will get better.

I guess we’ll see.