Day of Purple to End Homophobic Bullying — conversation with a police officer

20 10 2011

I am staring at my candle, entranced by its pretty flame when I hear a man’s British accent beside me.

Cop: “So I just wanna know… what is this vigil for?”

Me: “It’s the Purple Shirt Day.  To end homophobia and bullying.”

Cop: “Okay.  And the vigil…”

Me:  “It’s to remember those who took their lives because of homophobic bullying in schools.”

Cop:  “Oh, so, like, hate crimes and shit?”

Me: “Uh… yeah…?” [confusion over why he’s talking about hate crimes all of a sudden]

Cop:  “Okay.  Thanks.”

Me:  “No prob.”

He walks away.

I wasn’t sure whether or not to feel anything when he said “hate crimes and shit” and I don’t think he meant it offensively.  I do think, especially for a law enforcer, that it wasn’t the best choice of words to use, especially at a vigil, but at the same time, I’m not flabberghasted or anything.

What do you think?





Dream 4

5 02 2011

July 16, 2008

Dream 4

I think this all happened when I was at the swimming pool.  I don’t know which one because it didn’t look familiar.  I jumped into the pool and got out and walked around for a bit.  There was this small wooden box that someone had crudely made and even though I didn’t look inside, I knew that was where ammunition/bullets were kept.

So somehow that goes into a hostage situation with me, Kem, and Lulu.  The evil guy (terrorist, I guess) kept switching faces/bodies, but we always knew who she/she was.  I had a gun pointed in my face several times (as did Lulu and Kem) and it was kinda scary actually.  The evil guy’s plan (he was Bob [one of the TA’s at VFS] for a bit) was to kill a bunch of us (or maybe one) and then to shoot this building that he crudely drew that had bullets of some kind.  He gave the gun to me a few times, to shoot at the building but I told him my aim was really crappy.

I remember him telling us he was going to kill one of the three of us.  He pointed the gun at Kem, and I didn’t want him to die so I wrapped my around around him, trying to protect him.  He held onto me, close, which was really nice.  t felt right and even though I knew I could possibly die, I didn’t care beause it was Kem.

Eventually, perspectives changed to that of the evil guy aiming the gun around the room.

There may have been something before that I don’t remember…

Evil guy aimed the gun at the building lebelled bullets, and I didn’t understand.  Lulu explained how it was something about hexagons and stuff and even though I probably wouldn’t undert it in real life, I understood it in my dream.  She said how if evil guy shot at the building, ice/diamonds would fall down and fall on people below.  Just as I realized this, he fired.

I watched as pieces of ice fell… on top of me.  I was on a bed, and I grabbed a pillow to shield myself.  The ice hit the pillow and I was safe.  I looked around the room and saw that Lulu was fine but that Kem was gone.  I saw the shape of his body underneath the covers and when I pulled them back, he lay there, silent.  There was a trickle of blood running down the side of his head.

I thought he was dead.  He definitely looked dead.

I freaked out.  I started crying and screaming a little, thinking the bullet hit him before it hit the building.

I was SO upset, more than I’ve ever been in both real life as well as my dream.

He suddenly stirred and I realized he wasn’t dead, which overwhelmed me.  I was so incredibly happy, more than I’ve ever been in both real life as well as my dreams.

A bit later (probably some more stuff happened), I had the gun.  I don’t remember how I got it,  but the evil guy was now Mahea [one of my cousins], and I pointed the gun in her face.  She was scared.  That made me happy.  The police or some official-looking people took her away.

I waved Kem over, saying we had to get going to go some place.  He stood a few feet away from me, bathed in a sort of white light.  He smiled at me, I think.  Or maybe he just stood there staring at me.





Crazy dream

25 01 2011

One that I had a couple nights ago.

I was watching TV and the news was reporting an actor of a famous show like CSI or something had died.  They showed a photo of him posing, a white cloth surrounding his body, arms outstretched, reminiscent of Michaelangelo’s Sistine Chapel (I recognized his face though it was not until after I woke up and thought about it that I realized it was David Sutcliffe).  Anyway, he was reported to have lived in Vancouver, downtown and for some reason, he was a homeless person, helping kids.  The news showed the last known footage of him where some people were interviewing him, and that was the last they saw of him.  Police were asking for witnesses; Maggie, my sister, was, I’m assuming, in the room with me, as she then said out loud and stressed for everyone to report anything remotely suspicious, including “people who may weren’t supposed to be where they were.”

As they showed the area around which the actor lived downtown, I somehow found myself transported to where the camera on TV was shooting.  My mom, Maggie, and I were all there, going to this restaurant + movie theatre that combined a meal and a movie for a really cheap price (why hasn’t anyone thought of that?), and best of all, it was in the same building so we didn’t even have to leave.  I distinctly remember it being quite bright outside — lots of yellows and oranges.  When we went inside and stood in line behind a couple, I noticed the movies they had playing.  They were books lined up on the floor that indicated the movies.  Unfortunately, I don’t remember any of the movies apart from Alice in Wonderland which my sister and I had already seen.  We all agreed on a strange, indie movie that none of us had really heard of before.

We paid for our tickets and were invited to sit down and wait for our food and the movie.  The couple who were ahead of us in line sat directly across the table from us so that we were facing each other, like a picnic table.  Somehow, there was a piano in front of me and I started playing around on it, eventually playing Vanessa Carlton’s “Papa” because it sounds hard.  As usual, people didn’t seem to take any notice and when I was done, I wondered what else to play.  There were a lot of songs I could’ve played but they didn’t sound as good because the piano part alone doesn’t sound all that great without singing, and I wasn’t going to start singing in this restaurant.

I heard the couple in front of us and everyone else in the restaurant speaking French but I didn’t know what to say since I wasn’t fluent.  My sister, who sat nearby, was reading through a French-English dictionary and suddenly asked aloud, “How do you say ‘The French got an army…?'”

I replied, “Les francais ont un…” and the guy sitting across from us, obviously listening, finished my sentence and said, “un arme”. (I’m told that’s not the right word for “army”, btw).  There was something else about “the English” but I don’t remember that.  I eventually started playing my own song, “Un Pas” and the woman in front of us smiled and mentioned to her boyfriend, “Ah, Amelia…” or something wrong like that.  I knew she meant Amelie, the awesome French movie with Yann Tiersen’s music so I stopped playing and told them in French that actually, I was playing a song that I wrote but that I love Amelie and Yann Tiersen.

They were eventually called in to eat or watch the movie or something.  We waited around for a bit more before being called in too.  I texted my friend/super film guy about the movie we were going to see and his reply was something along the lines of “Oh, that movie has great 3D, 5, 6, and 7D, and we’re already 3 weeks into the course and we’ve only started learning about 3D!  It’s a cool movie and I like the toys.  I also like the Glum [something] character.” and somehow, I knew that the Glum character was me.  Did that make me a part of the movie?

So we went down this hallway and I was carrying this big gameboard mat thing for some reason.  It was a turquoise color.  We go into this other room where I set the mat down.  In the room is a guy wearing a mask that doesn’t quite cover his face.  Something like this:

Valentine, from the movie Mirrormask

He told us to find some books in the room and put our hands in them.  There were conveniently two books right by me — one which i don’t remember but that it was a bigger book, and my Spanish-English dictionary.  I saw my mom sitting at a table with no books but with some Chinese magazines like the ones she reads and the guy with the mask told her she could use them.  With our hands in the books, he came around and with this bottle of pastey-looking stuff and smeared it on the books.  Then, he told us to start flapping our arms and fly.  Which we did, and which it worked.

However, my Spanish-English dictionary was too small and it fell off my hand and then became useless.  I told the Mask Guy and he picked me up and I clung onto him while he flew around the room, my head leaning into the warmth of his shoulder.

Suddenly, I’m shouting, “DIE, CHICKEN, DIE!” and I wake up on the floor.  I have a hunch he dropped me and that I was unconscious for a while but I somehow got saved or something.  Anyway, I think I went flying again and this time the dictionary worked.  There wasn’t anyone else in the large room with me but while I was flying, these black snake-like cords were launching themselves at me from nowhere.

Wake up again.  I think I just got hit by a black cord or something.  Next to me in a row are piles of those black cords, wriggling around, and I can see chickens in there.  I tear at the pile closest to me to free the chicken but when I get to it, it’s grey and thin, and it looks more like a robot chicken (no pun intended) than anything else.  So I got the chicken and I don’t quite remember if I picked it up and started flying with it or not but I did start to fly again and I realized I was in my house, although the house itself seemed to be on a much, much larger scale — everything was gigantic.  I flew around the walls, avoiding the black cords, and into the kitchen.  I managed to open the back door and the gate, both of which were huge, and flew outside to supposed freedom.  But I still had a feeling I was being watched so I tried to fly as stealthy as I could, flying into the neighbour’s yard so as to stay away from the windows of my house and not be watched.  I heard the door close behind me as I flew away.

I’ve never been good at flying in my dreams and this one was no different.  I found it hard to control where I was going and how high and low I wanted to go.  I veered around my neighbour’s yard for a bit and then proceeded to go to the back lane where I suddenly became Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit.  There was Gromit standing behind me and I “knew” again that I had to walk/shuffle sideways to avoid seeming strange.  So we shuffled slowly sideways, me looking north, towards my house and him walking with his back to me, facing south.  I saw something moving in the windows of my house but couldn’t discern it.

Eventually, we shuffled and shuffled all the way to a busy street where there was a guy who dressed like a lame hipster/gangster stared at us as we slowly walked from him.  I think he may have been leaning on a fire hydrant.  He had a cigarette and I thought he was going to attack us but he merely stared and stared through his colorful sunglasses, and burned this guy standing nearby with his cigarette .

Eventually again, we got to a basketball court with lots of teenagers around, who were also staring at us suspiciously and that decided we weren’t welcome so they chased us.  I was suddenly running with two other people: Chris Martin from Coldplay and this other girl.  While we were running, she took out two books from her bag and gave them to me.  I tried to fly but I couldn’t get very high.  I realized that in order to fly and leave this place through some sort of portal, I needed to sink a basket.

All the kids crowded around me, taunting me and calling me names.  They wanted me to lose and were throwing basketballs around me, at the hoop in the hope of deflecting my ball.  I saw Chris Martin and the girl nearby and knew they were invisible to everyone since they had found the portal and were waiting for me.  They cheered me on.

I threw the ball and closed me eyes, not knowing if I got it in or not.  It was up to me to decide, not everyone else.  With my eyes still closed, I thought I didn’t get it in but I said I did because I was so tired of losing.





Meaningless Conversations

8 02 2010

A variation on my short story Conversations with a Ghost.  This was written during my VFS year, again for Style class in which we had to take the short story we had written and develop it into a different kind of writing — cereal box information, travel brochures, flyers… any kind of other medium that has writing on it.  I chose to do mine in a police report format and it was definitely an interesting process.

Meaningless Conversations

OFFICIAL POLICE TRANSCRIPT

1  Jeremy West Interview
2
3  Detective:  What’s your name?
4
5  West: Jeremy West.
6
7  Detective:  Do you know why you’re here?
8
9  West: I can’t imagine why, no.
10
11  Detective:  We found the body of a Sean Lee.  Did you know him?
12
13  West: Yes.
14
15  Detective: How?
16
17  West: We go…went to the same high school together.
18
19  Detective: Were you a close friend?
20
21  West: No, not really.  I liked him, though.
22
23  Detective: What do you mean?
24
25  West: Well, I just thought he was a nice guy.  Good-looking too.
26
27  Detective:  Okay.  Did you ever talk to him?
28
29  West: No.  I was too shy.
30
31  Detective:  Why was that?
32
33  West:  I was… intimidated by him, I guess.
34
35  Detective:  What was so intimidating about him?
36
37  West: I don’t know.  He was just… one of the popular guys around school.  He had
38  had bunches of girlfriends, he was on a bunch of teams.  You know, your typical jock
39  kinda guy.  But…
40
41  Detective:  But what?
42
43  West:  He also had this mysterious vibe to him.  Even at such a distance, I could tell
44  that he wasn’t like all the other guys that he hung out with.
45
46  Detective:  What do you mean by ‘vibe’?
47
48  West: I’m not sure.  I just felt he was… different.
49
50  Detective: Could it be because of his looks, like you mentioned?
51
52  West: No, that’s not what I meant.  Even though he didn’t get the best grades, I could
53  tell he was smart.
54
55  Detective: Uh huh.  You watched him often?
56
57  West: Sort of.  Every now and then.
58
59  Detective: You do anything to him?
60
61  West: I wrote things and put it in his locker a few times.
62
63  Detective: What did you write?  Death threats?
64
65  West: No.  Just little poems and things.
66
67  Detective: Why did you do that?
68
69  West: I told you, I’m shy.  If I couldn’t tell him things in person, I’d just come up
70  with other ways.
71
72  Detective: Right.  Did he know it was from you?
73
74  West: No.  I never wrote my name on any of it, and I only delivered my notes when
75  no one was around.
76
77  Detective: I bet you hid around a corner to watch his reaction when he found them.
78
79 West: You’d think that, but no, I never did.
80
81  Detective: Why not?
82
83  West: Because if he thought it was creepy or whatever, I didn’t want to know that.
84
85  Detective: Ah, so the old ‘ignorance is bliss’ thing, eh?
86
87  West: Yeah, I guess so.
88
89  Detective: You do any other sorts of crazy things to get his attention?
90
91  West: Well, I did used to play this game—
92
93  Detective: What?  What kind of game was this?
94
95  West: It was perfectly harmless.
96
97  Detective: Can you explain this ‘game’ to me?
98
99  West: Sure.  If I was on a bus with an empty seat across from me, I would just
100  pretend that Sean was right there, sitting across from me, and we would converse.
101
102  Detective: So you’re telling me that because you’re too shy to talk to him in person 103  you just… make him up?
104
West: Yes.105
106  Detective: That’s really screwed up.
107
108  West: But it was the only way.
109
110  Detective: So… what did you guys talk about?
111
112  West: Basically, I’d just tell him everything I could never tell him in person.
113  Sometimes I would pretend he was my boyfriend.
114
115 Detective: Now that is screwed up.
116
117  West: Like I said, it was the only way.
118
119  Detective:  What kind of things did you guys talk about?  Can you remember any
120  conversation?
121
122  West: Just little things.  There was this one time when I was having a bad day and he
123  was there, making me feel better.  He said things like, ‘Hey, Jeremy, I’m here now.
124  Everything’s alright.’  And then there was this one time…”
125
126  Detective: What happened that time?
127
128  West:  Well, it started off just like any other time.  I had this deal with my friend to
129  ask someone out in a week, and I talked to Sean about it.
130
131  Detective: And then what?
132
133  West: And then… things got a little out of hand.  He became hostile and attacked
134  me.
135
136  Detective: You mean, physically?
137
138  West: No, verbally.  Words can be powerful things.
139
140  Detective: What did he say to you?
141
142  West: He told me that I was too much of a coward to talk to me, and because of that,
143  I had to resort to fantasizing conversations with him.
144
145  Detective: But that’s the truth.
146
147  West: Yeah, but when I’m playing this game, I don’t want to be reminded of reality.
148
149  Detective: I see.  Is that all he said to you?
150
151  West: He told me no matter what I do, no matter how hard I’d try, I would never be
152  able to get over him.
153
154  Detective: That’s harsh.
155
156 West: Yes.
157
158  Detective: How did this happen in your own fantasy?
159
160  West: I don’t know.  I just… lost control.
161
162  Detective: And what happened after that?
163
164  West: I snapped out of it, cried a little.
165
166  Detective: You were crying because this game?
167
168  West: Yes.
169
170  Detective: I guess words can be powerful.
171
172  West: Yes.
173
174  Detective: So what happened after that?
175
176  West: Nothing much.  Some fat lady in a hideous outfit started talking to me.
177
178  Detective: [laughs]  What did she say to you?
179
180  West: She just offered me a Kleenex and then…
181
182  Detective: And then what?
183
184  West: And then I swear her face melded with Sean’s face when she said the word
185  ‘Never’.
186
187  Detective: Okay.
188
189  West: And that was then I knew I needed to kill him.  To kill Sean.
190
191  Detective: Are you confessing to the murder of Sean Lee?
192
193  West: Yes.
194
195  Detective: Why?
196
197  West: Because I feel better about it, saying the words; knowing he’s really gone.
198
199  Detective: You realize that you’ve only killed him in your head, right?
200
201  West: Yes.
202
203  Detective: And you realize that this entire conversation is also in your head?
204
205  West: Yes.
206
207  Detective: So why are you doing this?
208
209  West: To make things seem more real, I suppose.
210
211  Detective: I’ll make things more real for you, then.  You’re going to wake up after I
212  count down.
213
214  It’s been nice talking to you.
215
216  Detective: 5…4…3…2…1…

END OF TRANSCRIPT