I love thrilLITERATE

Although I’ve only read poetry in public a grand total of three times, I’ve forgotten what a great, cathartic experience it can be.  Before going to thrilLITERATE tonight, I was pretty nervous, so much so that I found it difficult to have dinner (even though it was brimming with what I assumed to be delicious MSG).  When I got to the Rhizome Cafe, though, I felt fine.  I knew the worst thing that would happen would be that my mouth would dry up when I read– as if always annoyingly does– but other than that, it really was simple.

Thanks so much to Amber Dawn to always being so supportive.  I know I am very clumsy, inarticulate, and probably have some condition that renders me inept at talking to people (but not writing about/to them), but I really do owe her for constantly getting me involved in the community and inspired to do so many wonderful things.  It may seem like an easy thing to do, to be supportive, but I never feel like she is just saying things, the way some friends do.  She is genuinely supportive, and coming from an atmosphere and culture that doesn’t support artist endeavours, it truly means a lot.  She keeps me going in and pursuing what I love in ways she probably doesn’t even know.  I’ll write more about her sometime.

I know I only attended twice ever, but I love you, thrilLITERATE!

What I long to do

Exhibit A:

Re-inspired by Glee

Every once in a while, I’ll see or hear something that makes me step back from reality, something that reminds me of my purpose in this world.  It happened again tonight while watching the newest episode of Glee.  Surprised?  Rolling your eyes at me?

Perhaps I should clarify that it really was only one short part in the episode that made me re-think things (ie. not when Rachel is singing at Regionals.  Meh).  *Spoilers!*  Blaine sings a cover of “Cough Syrup” by Young the Giant to Kurt on stage.  While he’s doing so, Dave Karofsky, now outed to his school and online, contemplates, then prepares to kill himself in his bedroom.  Of course, this made me tear up and cry a little, as I’m sure it did for a lot of people.  But moreover, it reminded me that I have a responsibility in this world to ensure that gay teens, even if in this case it is a fictional character, don’t have to do what Karofsky did.  It reminded me of my documentary project idea about gay teen suicides across North America.  It reminded me that maybe doing this project is more important than school or work or watching TV shows; this is about getting an important message out there– one that I have the potential to tell and show everyone.

It’s difficult because it’s not like I can just go out and make this documentary.  If I was only working and not in school, things would be so much easier.  Or if I had help, since it takes more than one person to make a documentary…  and it takes a lot of planning.  In some ways, I feel like I’m too late to cover this topic.  The big news stories about the string of suicides happened almost a year and a half ago.  I should’ve gotten footage of things going on then.  Who’s to say there aren’t filmmakers doing it right now?  But I want to do this, I really do.  It’s got me thinking, it’s got me thinking.

And I have Glee to thank for that.

30 Day Challenge: Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

A few years ago, my sister told me that she wanted Staind’s “Epiphany” to play at her funeral and while it’s a strange thing to ask of a 15 year old, I didn’t really question it.  I’m not sure if it at all made me think about what song to play at my funeral, but I never really found “the song.”  For a while, I thought it might be an S Club 7 song just because funerals are so dull and I thought it would be a fun way to remember me.  Obviously (maybe not so obvious to some), I grew out of my S Club 7 phase.

[I will finish this tomorrow.  Had a crazy day today.]

“Get Good” — Vanessa Carlton

It’s been a while since I posted something in the Music category, mainly because I wanted to concentrate on writing other things more, but lately, I haven’t been very inspired to write anything awesome, but I figured I might as well post something now since it appears as if I have something to say!

Anyone who even remotely knows me knows that I adore Vanessa Carlton and anything she does.  Unfortunately, most people only know her by “A Thousand Miles” which was almost 10 years ago now (wow…) but she has much better songs!  Really!  Vanessa’s planning to release her 4th album titled Rabbits on the Run this June on the 21st and she’s played some new songs off the record.  Like a true fan, I love all her new material but one in particular is affecting.

According to Carlton, “Get Good” was written for a friend of her’s who was going through a tough time in her life with a divorce.  I find the lyrics to be really deep and oddly healing.  I’ve listened to this song when I’m feeling emotional and it somehow manages to calm me down, to bring me back down and to think somewhat rationally again.  And such is the power of music.

The clip I’ve linked to is the premier of the song and Vanessa explains a bit about the song before playing it (to just hear the song, skip to 1:59)  And surprise!  There’s no piano in the song!  (or at least the live, here)  Enjoy!

Secret

I thought I had posted all the song lyrics I had written but apparently not.

Secret

Breathe a secret in a bottle,
careful not to spill a drop.
Slam a cork in,
throw it away.

But it someone were to catch this message,
he swears his world would fall.
So it’s best not to breathe
than say anything at all.

CHORUS:

I know it’s hard but
every word you say, every step you take
will lead you to where you belong.
And out of darkness,
there’ll be a light, you’ll no longer fight
with the demons of doubt in your head.
And walk through the door

And with each passing day
the secret’s in his heart.
You can layer on the lies
but a thought is never too far.
A thought is never too far,
a thought is never too far.

CHORUS

And when the bottle washes up on someone’s shores,
that’ll be the day… someday.

Piano Fantasy — William Joseph

One of the pieces that inspired me to write “Elvin’s Waltz”, “Piano Fantasy” is a ridiculously hard one to play, mainly because of the fast tempo + lots and lots of octaves which tire out your arm and make it feel like it’s going to fall off.  I’m learning this piece right now and playing it slowly but even at a slower tempo, it still kills me.  Nonetheless, I think it’s pretty damn impressive, especially considering Joseph was in his early twenties when he wrote it.  Kudos to him.

“Not While I’m Around” — Jamie Cullum

Once again, one of those songs I just kinda feel.  Originally from the musical “Sweeney Todd”, one of my favourite and awesomest musicians of all time, Jamie Cullum covers this song.  What I like about his version is that he makes it almost a pop ballad love song, contrary to the musical where the little kid sings it to Mrs. Lovett (I remember her name but I don’t remember the kid’s… oh well).

Here’s a live version of Jamie playing the song.  I haven’t had the chance to see him live before because tickets always seem to be sold out whenever he comes to Vancouver but one day!  One day…

10 Defining Moments of My Life (so far) — #7: Music

7.  I had managed to snag my friend to come along with me to this coffee shop in Burnaby I had never been to.  I phoned earlier to ask about signup times and was told that it started at 8:00.  We both got there at around 7:30, in awe of the small setting and the music equipment on stage.  My friend saw this chalkboard of times and told me to sign up for a time.  I wrote my name down for 8:20, the first act after the host played at 8:00.  The waiting and anticipation was incredibly hard to handle.  My friend was extremely nervous, for both of us, as we didn’t know what would happen.  Finally, when my time rolled around, I was called to the stage.  Because the café already had a piano there, and most people that performed were guitarists, the host asked me, “Are you doing spoken word?” to which I shook my head and pointed to the wooden piano.  After I played my 20 minutes, I received positive comments by a few audience members and I was filled with such humility and I genuinely felt like a real musician, despite always being told from my family that I sucked at everything.

Untitled

Back in 2007, I took part in Project Stitch, a project organized by local youth in preparation for World AIDS Day on December 1st. There were different activities divided amongst us and since I was into creative writing, I joined the Slam Poetry folks (which really consisted of me and two other girls). During my time there, I wrote this poem to express how I felt about people.

My bones remain broken,
My bruises visible.
The damage of deception, betrayal, and blistering words have cut
these canyons in my heart.
So I feebly kneel before the pieces, attempting to begin building these shards
But
Here comes an invited guest,
Loading up on trust,
Before walking away.
Followed by a mother,
And a lover,
Several others,
All taking a bite of what I’ve too freely handed out.
It’s not long till I’m left with my heart,
Stale as a rubber tire.

Without question, I leave my heart in the cold,
Until it is coated with frost and suspicion.

Without doubt, I construct and fortify layers of walls,
Of stone and insecurity.

Without hesitation, I put up frigid, heavy chains,
Melded from iron and isolation.

Every ending has its lessons:

My bones still remain broken,
But my bruises lay unseen,
Beneath this vast, desolate, empty entity
That I used to call “me”.