Chapbook plans

I’ve been deciding whether or not to submit a few poems to a literary magazine and have been ambivalent about it. In the past, I’ve submitted my poems pretty much everywhere and only in LGBT lit mags do they ever get published, leaving me with the impression that my poems are only good enough for queer audiences. I know poetry is probably my weakest genre to write in although I personally think some of my poems are pretty darn good, even though publishers and editors don’t seem to think so. It’s been really frustrating, to say the least.

Today, I realized I don’t necessarily have to get my poetry published in lit mags to get it out there. I could publish my own chapbook! Duh. The Vancouver Public Library even has a collection of zines that people can borrow — it’d be really cool to have it there where people could borrow it if they wanted. The idea of designing my own poetry collection and leaving it up to people to read if they wanted to (or not, I fear).

Now to do some research into zines/chapbooks… 🙂

What to say to people when you have no compliments

An older Chinese lady came up to the desk and was speaking to my colleague. She helped this lady with whatever it was she needed help with. The lady said, enunciating every word, “You have a bright smile” with a Chinese accent. My colleague laughed and thanked her. The lady repeated the phrase again: “You have a bright smile” before explaining that it’s a nice thing to say to people.

My colleague left the desk and I took over. The lady continued, “But you don’t tell men they have a bright smile.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s not fair.”

“You tell them, ‘You are great!'” she replied.

And since my family seems to think I’m the world’s biggest douche, even more so than Donald Trump, for joking that I didn’t like my cousins shirt (yes, really), next time, I’ll just say, unenthusiastically, “You. Are. Great.”

Unwanted book

Man: I got this book for Christmas and I don’t want to read. Do you guys want it?

[Man hands me the book]

Me: Uh… a donation? Sure?

Rich: We can use it when we run out of toilet paper. Or better yet, we can use it in place of toilet paper right now!

Joke no more

Patron: I’m returning these books but I noticed that this one wasn’t on the checkout receipt.

Me: Oh, okay. [in a highly, highly joking voice] It’s because you’re a thief! Haha.

Patron: That’s a mean thing to say.

Me: I was joking, I didn’t mean it.

Patron: If I was a thief, I wouldn’t be bringing this book back.

Me: Well, yeah, exactly.

[I check the book in]

Me: Okay. It’s fine.

Patron: What you said was actually really insulting.

Me: It was a joke! I was kidding!

Patron leaves in disgust while I consider never joking at work ever again.

Best line

Without giving me his library card or anything, a guy comes up to the desk and asks, “Is my book in yet?”

Handsome guys at the library

I wish I could step out from behind the desk and help them find their books. And then, when we’re alone, they’d ask, “Do you want to go out sometime?”

I also have to fight the urge to just blurt out before they leave, “You know you’re really handsome!” and then look around like someone else said it.

Why do people think this is acceptable?

Really? Ugh.

The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex

Complete with handy information, such as if you see your ex, don’t hide behind a potted plant, and act nonchalant and be sure to tell them about how you’re “busy” with “things” and that you have “plans.”

Wow, why didn’t I borrow this book?

Library Jail

Kids: I want this movie! No, this one!

Dad: We can’t take out too many because we might lose them and then we’d have to pay. That one there looks like it would be pricey to replace.

Random kid: You have to pay if you lose them.

Dad: See? They probably put you in jail if you lose them!

Marxist Guy

Some guy came in the other day and asked where the 335.4s were located — more specifically, a 40-volume set of Marxist books — saying that he was looking on a different floor and then came down here where the books weren’t there where they were supposed to be and it’s been so confusing since books are moving everywhere. A library assistant nearby politely and patiently explained that the library is in the middle of a moving project and books are being moved to different locations on the floor. He demanded to know where the 335.4s were again, and she proceeded to lead him to the area where they were now being shelved.

Now at the appropriate section, she asked him what the call number for these Marxist books was.”335.4,” he repeated. There was a beat, as both of us waited for him to continue with the call number.

“What’s the rest of the call number?” she asked.

I pointed to some call numbers on the spines of nearby books. “There should be some letters and numbers after it,” I pointed out.

He was undeterred. “335.4! It’s a 40-volume set! It should be easy to see.”

“Okay, well, if you don’t know the rest of the call number, they’re somewhere in this aisle. So if you want to take a look, you can.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll just look.” And off he went in search of his Marxist books. The library assistant and I left the scene.

I found out later that this old guy found the books, but noticed that they were split between shelves. He called it disorganized and said they should all be together, and proceeded to rearrange the volumes so that they were all on the same shelf. He left.

When he was gone, a shelver put the books back to the way they were before.