It’s kinda weird to be finding things I’ve written so many years ago. But cool. Very cool.
Dream
July 4, 2004
I’m sitting down on either a bench or a bus. Sean is next to me. I’m eating a bagel and he asks for some. I say he can if he kisses me. He does but not on my lisp/cheek. So I point it out and he looks kind of nervous and he leans towards me and kisses me on the lips [unintelligible], his finger there too. Now I’m in a house with Sean. We’re on some kind of strange mission. He ditches me and I am left by myself. I try to find a place to hide. I hide in a closet for a while. Then I hear footsteps and voices. There is nowhere to hide now. A bug(?) opens the door and sees me.
Why did it take me so long to get into the Scissor Sisters? I thought their first single, “Take Your Mama Out Tonight” was kinda meh and “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'” wore off quickly for me. But they have some pretty fantastic and fabulous (and by fabulous, I mean awesomely gay) songs and music. I recently bought their second album, Ta-Dah!– $8 at HMV!–and was pleasantly surprised to hear some outstanding stuff, including my favourite one so far, “Kiss You Off”.
Check it out! I think I’ll have a listen to their newest album now. 🙂
The original short story which was then adapted into On the Bus, which was produced and filmed in my last term at Vancouver Film School. (the video at the bottom) There are clear differences between the short story and the film. Which do you like better?
I wrote this story back in high school after a similar experience I had. I won’t go into the details right now but if you’re wondering, I don’t converse with ghosts anymore.
Conversations With a Ghost
I sit there, dumbly, my mind pushing itself to think of an answer. Who should I ask out? I had only a few more days ’till the bet was up with my friend.
“You could ask me.” I recognize that voice. It’s him again, sitting across from me, wearing what I last saw him wear; a baseball cap turned backwards, a casual sweatshirt and jeans, topped off with glasses that actually make him look semi-smart.
“Why would I do that?” My voice shows a possible foreshadowing of anger.
“Because you like me. You’ve always liked me, since the moment you saw me.” He smiles, which I interpret to be an evil smile, and tilts his head slightly to one side.
“Yeah, so what? I’m scared. I’m scared that you’ll reject me. Why in hell would anyone want that?” The anger is rising.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“How? What’s this based on?”
“On the fact that most times when I happen to see you in the halls, some slut is hanging off of you, like a dead animal.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends.”
“Oh, I’ve heard that before.”
“Did you ever stop to think that it might be true? Why would I lie to you?”
“Oh, I don’t know; because you keep breaking my heart, dammit! You’re the only guy I haven’t ever really gotten over.”
“I’m sorry about that. I can’t help that I’m so good looking.”
“Shut up. That’s not helping.”
“What do you want me to say? ‘Oh Jeremy, I’ve been in love with you too and I’ve been waiting 4 years for you to tell me! Let’s get married and ride off into the sunset!'” He laughs (loudly, I might add). I silently fume to myself.
“You have no idea what it’s like when you see someone you love and know you won’t ever end up with them, but you still want them to be with you. You have no idea how sad I am when I see you, the only boy I’ve ever really fallen in love with. You just don’t get it do you?” By this time, depression has replaced my rage.
He leans forward in his seat, closing the gap between our faces. The complexion on his face is hard to read. I expect him to say something comforting.
“Why are you doing this to yourself, Jeremy? You say you like me and stuff but you’re too scared to talk to me because you’re afraid I’ll reject you. What have you got to lose by talking to me?”
“Everything, including my life.”
“You know what the most pitiable part of this whole thing is?” He leans back against the seat, his arm draped across the adjacent seat, trying to look laid-back. I already know what he’s going to do and begin to brace for the worst.
“The saddest thing about this is that you have to make me up to talk to you. I’m part of your stupid little fantasy. You make me say whatever you want to make you feel better…
“Shut up. Stop it now.”
“…and it works, yet when the real me comes strolling along, you might as well have jumped in a ditch or something…
“Shut up right now. I mean it, Sean.”
“…because you’re just too shy to talk to me. Now that is just sad.”
“You don’t know me. You don’t know me!”
“Oh, I know you alright. But do you wanna know something really pathetic?”
At this point, I can’t even talk anymore.
“No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you are never ever going to get over me. Never.” He smiles that evil smile again. I hate that one.
I’ve had enough of this charade.
“Stop it! Go away! Leave me alone!” I shut my eyes tightly.
For a few seconds, I don’t hear anymore from him. When I open my eyes, a fat woman in an ugly pink muumuu is sitting in his seat. I can feel her studying me, which makes me feel like a lab rat.
“Are you okay, dearie?” She pulls out a small tissue from her matching ugly purse. It is not until now that I feel the warm streaks of tears on my face. I had been crying, during my own fantasy where I was in control, or at least thought I was.
I tell her I am fine and take the delicate paper from her to wipe my eyes.
“I remember when I was in high school, so many memories…” her voice continues.
Stop talking to me! And get some new clothes while you’re at it! my mind screams.
“…and bad ones, too. I don’t think I’ll ever get over those ones…”
I glance up at her, my entire body in shock. Her face slowly morphs into Sean’s as they both finish the last word simultaneously: “Never.”
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