It’s De-Lovely

2 01 2014

Had a Cole Porter marathon yesterday while making dinner and it made me feel warm and not alone as I probably would have felt. Also, this song is just brilliant.

Ain’t No Sunshine

4 01 2013

In the mood for some sad jazz.

I Fall in Love Too Easily

10 05 2012

I fall in love too easily,
I fall in love too fast.
I fall in love too terribly hard
for love to ever last.

My heart should be well schooled
’cause I’ve been fooled in the past.
But still I fall in love too easily,
I fall in love too fast.

Good Morning, Heartache (Part 3)

8 04 2012

Good Morning, Heartache (Part 3)

Their second date goes a little differently.

A few days after their milkshake date, Jake asks if Heath would like to hang out again.  Heath says yes, which excites Jake.  Jake invites Heath over to his place after class later that week to watch a movie, and Heath agrees.  Let phase 2 of seduction begin.

It’s a rainy day, perfect for a nice, quiet stay-in.  Heath and Jake arrive at Jake’s house.  Fortunately, Jake’s mother is out at work and won’t be home for several hours, so the boys have the place to themselves.  After grabbing some snacks and relieving themselves, the two head in Jake’s small room, where Jake prepares to set up a movie on his laptop.  Using his two pillows as backrests, Jake turns his bed into a mini-theatre, turning the laptop on his desk 90 degrees so that it faces the bed.

“We’re gonna be sitting on the bed, by the way, so if you want to get comfy while I get the movie up and running, go ahead.”

“Sure thing.”

Heath begins to take off his jacket and sweater.  It’s Jake’s chance.

“Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I have a rule about sitting on my bed: no outside pants.  If you want, you can either use my sweatpants, or else, like me, you’ll have to sit in your underwear.”

Jake does his best to sound normal and uncreepy, but Heath still gives him a weird look. After a few seconds of deliberating, Heath agrees.

“Fine.”  And with that, Heath shucks off his skinny black jeans to reveal a pair of briefs and hairy legs.

Jake tries not to notice, but smiles.  He also takes off his jeans and shows Heath his boxers.  The two get on settled on the bed, their bare legs touching each other.

They watch a fairly forgettable gay-themed movie.  All the while, Jake and Heath’s hands, under the covers, find their way to the other’s legs, but aside from some brushing, it’s all PG-13.  After the movie, Jake tells Heath, “Hey, you were in my dream last night.”

“Oh really?  What happened?”

“Well, I think it’s better if I show you.  Follow me.”

Jake takes Heath by the hand and leads him to the kitchen, beside the fridge.

“Okay.  Now put your arms around me.”

Heath is surprisingly not confused or alarmed, and put his hands on Jake’s shoulders, which makes Jake laugh.

“What?” demands Heath.

“In my dream, we were standing next to a fridge.  I asked you to put your arms around me, and you ended up somehow putting your hands around my neck, like your were strangling me.  I just wanted to see how you’d do it.”

“Oh, haha.”

“And by the way, your arms aren’t around me.  Here.”  Jake re-positions Heath’s arms so that they go around his neck.  In turn, Jake puts his arms around Heath’s waist, bringing the two even closer– kissing distance.

They stand there, in their underwear, nonetheless, for several seconds in silence.   Finally, Heath breaks it.

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

Jake laughs again, and then leans in, but hugs Heath closely.  “I’m afraid to kiss you because of what it will mean.  I like you a lot, but I don’t want to get in anything with someone who isn’t out to his family, you know?”


When they pull back, Heath stares right into Jake’s eyes.  “I’m planning on coming out to them this weekend.”

“It’s not because of me, is it?  I don’t want you to feel pressured because of me.  I want you to do it on your own terms, when it feels right to you.”

“It feels right to me.”

“Okay.  I’m glad.”

“Now will you kiss me?”

Jake grins and kisses the handsome boy.  Their tongues explore each other’s mouths, and it feels so natural.  When they part, Jake inquires, “That was your first kiss, right?”

Heath nods and asks, “How is my kissing?  Is it good?  Am I doing it wrong?”

“No, no!  You’re actually really good.”  They kiss again, pulling each other closer.

When they finally stop to breathe, Jake and Heath touch and rub their noses together.  It’s a gesture the two will do a lot from now on.

“There’s one more thing I wanted to do with you today.”

“Another one?”

Jake leads Heath back into the living room.  “Wait here.”  While Heath stands in the middle of the room, surveying it and wondering what the hell this guy could possibly be up to, Jake returns from his bedroom with a stereo.  He plugs it into a nearby outlet and presses play.

Chet Baker’s sweet trumpet fills the room as Jake smiles to Heath and extends his hand, asking for a dance.  Heath takes Jake’s outstretched hand, and the two slow-dance in a circle, noses pressed together, underwear and obvious hard-ons pressed together.  At one point, Jake changes position and puts his arms around Heath from behind.  With his eyes closed in what could only be happiness, Heath reaches up and touches Jake’s head, cradled in the nook of Heath’s shoulder.  Even Jake’s cat joins in, meowing at them nearby, either jealous from not getting attention or cheering them on.

They dance for the entire length of the CD, swaying slowly and holding each other closely.

And so it began.  The relationship between Heath and Jake.

For the first month, it’s everything Jake wished for come true.  Seeing this boy he has such strong emotions for several times a week (as opposed to once or twice in the case of Dorian). During breaks at school, Heath and Jake would walk over to the nearby elementary school playground and make out, and just be generally goofy around each other.  How strange and thrilling it was for Jake to be kissing someone in public like that.  One day, while at the playground, Heath asks Jake, “What’s your favourite animal?”  Jake ponders this while hanging upside down on the monkey bars, and finally replies, “Penguin, probably.  Why?”

“Different animals are supposed to symbolize different things.  For example, my favourite animal is the husky, the dog, which means I’m hardworking and I like a good belly rub.”

“Husky… yeah, I can see that.  You don’t look anything like a husky, but you sure are warm.”

“Oh, you,” Heath says.  “Anyway, a penguin would represent… a braveness against hostile conditions?  Or maybe inability to fly?”

“Or lack of knees?  A love to barf up chewed food and shove it down someone else’s throat?”  Jake jumps down from the monkey bars and waddles over, penguin-style, to Heath, who laughs.  When he gets to Heath, Jake makes barfing sounds, as if about to hurl on Heath.

“I’m all full from lunch, but how about a kiss instead, pingu?”

“Coming right up, musky husky.”

On the 22nd of the month, while Jake and Heath are walking together after class, Jake brings up a question he’s been thinking about for several weeks.

“So… um, what would you say our relationship status is?”

Heath seems unfazed.  “I’d say we’re going out.”

“Oookay… well, would you then say I’m your boyfriend?”

“Um, yeah.  Would you say that I’m your boyfriend?”


“Great.  We’re boyfriends, then.”

Heath looks over at Jake, who exhales.  “You’ve been thinking about that a lot, haven’t you?”

“What?  Me?  Maybe.”

Heath takes Jake’s hand as they walk down the street, newly christened boyfriends.

On another day, Jake even tells Heath one day while walking together, “You know, this is really weird, being around you so much.  I mean, it’s really good, it’s really nice!  But I guess I’m not used to it, but now that I see what I’ve been missing out on, it feels really good.”  Heath smiles and takes Jake’s hand as they walk.

They would go to the local community center pool, where loads of splashing, playing water tag, aiding each other achieve underwater handstands, and one time, diving off the high dive, despite Jake’s apprehension to do so.

Heath brings Jake to the botanical garden where he volunteers.  He shows Jake excitedly all the plants and species, and although Jake is a simple greeting card writer, he is thoroughly interested, even if he appears otherwise.  For example, when checking out the perrenials,

When hanging out after school, Jake would joke and tease Heath about his lack of compassion for the general human race, and his unexpressiveness whenever Jake tries to be romantic to him, usually by way of cheesy lines (“You’re a tasty stud muffin”, and Heath would roll his eyes) or cheesy lyrics (“You are my fire, the one desire”, and Heath would send a text saying how he rolled his eyes).  Because of this, it becomes an ongoing joke about how Heath has no heart, to which Heath says otherwise.

“Do you believe in fate?” Jake asks Heath one day, lying in bed together one day.

“Not really.  Why?  Do you?”

Jake chuckles.  “You’re gonna think I’m totally bizarro, but here’s what I figured out.  I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t met Romulus, and I wouldn’t have met Romulus if I didn’t meet him at the afterparty at the Greeting Card-a-puhlooza, and I wouldn’t have been in the expo if I hadn’t written that greeting card about my ex, and I wouldn’t have written that greeting card if we hadn’t broken up, and we wouldn’t have broken up if I hadn’t have met him, so… what I’m trying to say is, do you think it’s a coincidence that me meeting you again was by chance?  ‘Cause it seems awfully connected, all these events.”

Heath takes a minute to digest this.  “Well, I don’t know what to say.  I suppose it’s possible that fate brought us together, but… hmm.  No, I guess you’re right.”

“What?  Why?”

Heath shuffles himself closer to Jake.  “Because it can’t just be a coincidence that I found someone so wonderful.”  And with that, they kiss.

A week before their first month anniversary, Heath keeps saying how excited he is to give Jake a present.  This makes Jake happy, since he’s never really gotten romance gifts before.  Heath comes over to Jake’s place one day with a piece of paper tied to a penguin plushie.  He hands it over to Jake and sits on the bed, grinning.  Jake thanks Heath for the present, then reads the paper.

I came across a boy
and he is called Jake.
He isn’t jacket,
and he isn’t a rake.

He’s but a director,
musician and writer.
Rather creative
but not much of a fighter.

He’s sweet and he’s charming,
and a hell of a tease,
and he keeps me begging
“Oh please, do me, please!”

It was rather strange,
the conditions of how we met,

But I know we’re together
because it’s our fate.

I know that I’m lucky
to be with such a guy.
I can’t get enough of him,
to that I will testify.

I hope that this proves
that in me lies a heart,
and if you agree,
then please, kiss me hard.

The second Jake finishes the last word, he looks up at Heath, then practically jumps on him, kissing him ferociously, and pulling him in close.

“I take it that means I have a heart now?” Heath manages after they finally stop making out, minutes later.

“Yes.  Yes, you do.  Although ‘fate’ and ‘met” don’t rhyme.  But I still love it.  Thank you, Heath.”  Jake smiles, and he leans in to kiss this wonderful boy with a heart some more.

And that’s how you show someone you care for them.

To be continued!

Excuse me while I disappear…

8 02 2012

Back to Black

16 01 2012

I have a theory that for a few days a month, I have PMS– which is different than menstruation.  This theory is backed up by empirical evidence showing that I dwell upon my ex and have, at times, emotional episodes.  Side effects include unexplained crying, bawling, staring at the wall a little too long in deep thought, mood swings, and the need and want to stay in bed forever.  Research has shown that PMS occurs around the full moon period every month, which makes sense, since full moons are supposed to be the time when people go batshit.

Since I am finishing up my cycle for the month, I am still relatively vulnerable to emotions (read: can still easily burst into tears), I was set to play Amy Winehouse’s “Love is a Losing Game” on the piano but flipped to “Back to Black” and started playing it just for fun.  Except it was not actually fun, but lead to a brief emotional period (read: teared up when playing it), one that I had never experienced when I heard the song before.  It’s one of those songs that only means something when you’ve heard it in a different context much later.  All the words finally make sense, are all relatable in some way. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad one.


“But Not For Me” — Chet Baker

5 08 2011

One of my favourite Chet Baker songs that I could probably listen to forever until I get old and die.  I love how the subject matter is about being alone after a breakup and coming to terms that a lover is “not for me” but it’s in such an upbeat, swung jazz tempo that it’s kind of oddly reassuring in a way.

If it wasn’t obvious already, I’m really digging this song at the moment because… well, you can probably guess.  I guess he’s not for me…

“Look For the Silver Lining” — Chet Baker

12 06 2011

For some reason, I haven’t posted anything from the great Chet Baker yet, so it’s due time I finally get to it.  I’m a super, crazy fan for his music, particularly when he sings; I remember the first time I heard it I was so in awe and blown away from his impeccable, smooth, brilliant tone that I was speechless.  And his trumpet skills are pretty amazing and smooth as well.

I have a CD of songs that Chet sings and it’s honestly one of my favourite albums I have.  To pick a song from there, is really hard, but I have a friend who’s a little sad from life and is staying put on his couch for the next week or two… or three, I’m not sure, and I saw him yesterday.  He’s doing alright and he seems to be fine, but I can see that there’s an air of sadness to his voice and it makes me sad because he’s usually talkative and bubbly.  So this post is dedicated to my friend in the hopes that he doesn’t stay couch-ridden and sad for much longer.

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 27 + 28

7 05 2011

Day 27: A song that you wish you could play

I’ve posted this “song” before and have commented on it already so I don’t have much else to say.  A difficult Chopin piece of which I’ve taught myself about half of so far but the last half awaits me and my cursing when I screw up.  I’m working on it though…

Day 28:  A song that makes you feel guilty

This is probably the most difficult one I’ve had to pick so far, just because I had NO idea of any song that makes me feel guilty.  I think part of the reason I couldn’t think of one was because the songs I mainly listen to make me sad or are sad and songs that I’d listen to when I’m sad, but none that make me feel guilty.  And why guilty?  Out of all the emotions out there, why choose a song that makes you feel guilty?  I didn’t realize there were supposed to be a lot of songs for this category, but apparently so, or else they might’ve asked me for a song that makes me feel like constipated or scared of heights.

Anyway, the best I could do was Vivian Green’s take on the jazz standard “Love For Sale” by Cole Porter.  I’ve listened to a few version of this song and I had seen De-lovely (but have forgotten most of it since it was kind of a meh movie) but didn’t remember her singing “Love For Sale” in the film at all.  It’s a darker, more melancholic take on the song, I think, and as much as I am open about discussing most of everything in my life, the song reminds me of a period in my life that I’m certainly not proud of.  Judging by the lyrics, I’m sure you can come to some conclusion about what that might be.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event

16 04 2011

I’ve loved Chet Baker since the following two events:

1.  His music being mentioned in David Levithan’s Boy Meets Boy, which is one of my favourite books.

2.  Since my former high school choir teacher compared my singing to Mr. Baker (which I don’t agree with since he’s way more fantastic than I’ll ever be, but thanks Ms. Comfort!)

I then went out and bought a couple Chet Baker CDs, but was really more interested in hearing songs where he sings, since I absolutely adore his voice.  After listening to him singing to awesome classic jazz songs like this one, Gershwin’s “Not For Me”, I came up with the idea of slow dancing with a guy to Chet which would totally make him fall in love with me — or maybe I would fall in love with someone who did that for me.  In any case, I finally got to put my plan into works when I invited my current boyfriend to my house where we watched a movie.  I then took out my stereo, popped in Mr. Baker, and when “Not For Me” started playing, I took his hand and invited him for a slow dance which lasted… well, for a while.

Romantic?  I think so!  Thanks, Chet, for helping me seduce my boyfriend!