I hate humanity.

9 02 2011

It’s nothing new.  I’ve always had it out for us.  Ever since I saw how unbelievably stupid we all are, how hateful we can get, the human race has been on the top of my hate list, right next to Fred Phelps (though, of course, since he is part of humanity, one could argue that they are the same).

I also now realize that I will feel more hatred and contempt every once in a while, like some sort of reality check, or like a period of pessimism.

And just today, I had a heavy period day.

Last night, I watched Downfall, since I thought it would be a good companion to learning about WWII in History class.  Though it was a great film and the main character survives the war (oh yeah, spoilers!), she confesses into the camera, now much older, that she didn’t know about the extermination of the Jews being a secretary for Hitler.  What is even more powerful was that she admits she was young (when she started working for Hitler) and wasn’t curious about these things, but that being young is not an excuse.  “There was always an opportunity to find out,” she says.  But she didn’t.  Of course, knowing about it and doing something are two different things.  But the point was that young people, as naive as they are, can’t use that as an excuse.

This confession combined with the large amount of suicides in the film (spoiler alert!) and murder — including that of a mother drugging her children to sleep and then giving them poison capsules before dying with her husband — left an impression on me.  Rather than admitting that they were wrong or trying to fix the situation, they decided just to kill themselves.  Sure, they thought the Russians would shoot them just the same, but it’s humanity’s pride that leaves me dumbfounded.

“5 million Jews were killed during the war”, it said at the end of the film.  It’s hard, at least for me, to put an image to that number.  For me, I’ve never been able to grasp the full extent of what 5 million people is.  It is a lot.  I know.

Around 20 million Russians died in the war, more than any other country.

Millions of other soldiers and civilians died from many countries.

In History class, we learned about a student protest in Hungary and when their demands proved to be too much, the Red Army came in and killed about 20,000 students.  Just like that.

To think that after the world had seen the horrifying uses of the concentration camps and that we would be better than that, no.  The Soviet Union started using them to house political prisoners, those who didn’t agree with Communism or even Stalin’s idea of Communism.

Then there are gruesome things like the Rape of Nanking, or using the atomic bomb on Japan, and I think, “How could we do this?  How can one entire species do so much damage, so much killing?”  So much needless death.

At the same time, I’ve been researching the brainwashing experiments done in Canada at the Allan Hospital in Montreal that took place during the late 1950s and early ’60s for an essay for my History class.  I’ve been reading this one book that details some of the horrific experiments that were performed on the patients, including massive amounts of ECT (electro-shock), non-consensual dosing of drugs including LSD — all in an attempt to wipe the mind clean before reprogramming it “healthily”.  You can, of course, imagine the serious mental damage this inflicted on patients: some were so far gone after treatments that they were unable to dress themselves, go to the bathroom, or even remember their names and their family.  All the while, Dr. Ewen Cameron, the boss in charge at the Allan, believed he was doing it for science, that he was indeed curing these people.  How the fuck is shocking someone 6 times in a row supposed to be helping them?  How is playing hateful, absolutely awful subliminal messages while they’re kept under a drug-induced coma supposed to cure them?  How can someone have seemingly no remorse at the ramifications of mental damage and the lives destroyed of these people in the end?

I read in the book today of a woman who wanted to become a doctor named Mary whose tale absolutely crushed me.  Through hard work, she obtained a Master’s and went on to try and work in a hospital.  After getting rejected from a whole bunch of places and failing some other tests, she suffered from depression and eventually checked herself in at the Allan, where Dr. Cameron took her on.  Though she was working in a hospital to another doctor, she was getting paid only $150 a month and barely had enough to buy herself food.  But she kept going, believing she could still do it, to become a working doctor.

Before Dr. Cameron  he got through fucking up her mind, he told her family that after the procedures, Mary would no longer be able to become a doctor.  And of course that’s what happened.  She came out of the treatment disoriented, had no recollection of the last ten days after waking up from her coma.  With help from her family, she was able to piece together what had happened, or at least some of it, and when she demanded from Dr. Cameron to talk with him and for him to tell her what he had really done to her, man-to-man, he merely laughed at her and said, “I can’t do that; you’re a woman.”

And just today, we watched a video for History class about post World War II, particularly what was going on in Indonesia and Vietnam.  Since the Pacific countries were originally taken over by European colonists and that during the war, and Japan had invaded the islands and sort of liberated them (but still used them nonetheless for labor), the leader of Indonesia sat down with the leaders of the European nation to negotiate.

“They sat down to talk but talks fell through.  Fighting began.”

That must’ve happened at least three times during the movie.  People on the verge of peace; can’t even sit together without getting pissed at each other; and when that fails, let’s send people to go kill each other!  Yeah, that’ll work!

My god.  I rolled my eyes every time that happened.  What the hell is wrong with people?

I know what you’re thinking: but humans have done so many awesome things!  Like build cars and discover cures and have porn readily accessible.  Okay, sure, but I think MILLIONS of people dying in wars or torturing people or the fact that we even have the term “genocide” outweighs any accomplishment man has ever achieved, not to mention we have the weapons and technology the pretty much nuke the entire planet to smithereens with the push of a button.  Fantastic work, people.

Oh, and while I’m being a crazy raving lunatic here, I’ll also say that the average person is a dumb twit too.  I see buses fly by Langara, full in the front but empty in the back and I think, “You spend thousands of dollars on tuition and yet you’re too utterly moronic to have the decency to take a few steps to the back so that people can get on.  Bravo.  Bravo!”  Even simply things like that throw me back to despising the world with an inferno of a passion.

Yes, it is easy to criticize the human race for everything.  But if we’re so proud to be the best thing on this earth, I should think that one should have higher standards than just “Oh, but we built the pyramids and what about love?”

If I should be proud of the human race, give me something to be proud of, goddammit.

The Why of Donating to Covenant House

3 01 2011

Perhaps naively, I thought that my decision to donate my $200 gift card from Oakridge Centre would’ve made a few more waves than with the feeble tiny ripple I sent out.

Facebook event page: 65 invitations sent out.

5 attending.

3 actually attended, including me (from the list of people on the event page).

Perhaps this has something to do with my unpopular theory (why do I feel like if Ryan Clayton created the same event and sent out invitations to his friends that at least a hundred people would respond?).  In any case, it turned out to be a small operation of super fantastic people who were willing to lend their hands to help out for a good cause.

Perhaps naively again, I imagined myself in front of TV cameras, explaining to reporters about how I came to the decision to donate my money to a non-profit organization than buying some new clothes at the Bay.  Since that didn’t actually happen, I’ll put up my responses here instead, to make me feel like what I imagined wasn’t a waste of time, and that what I think does in fact matter.  🙂

Though I’ve had the gift card for several months now, I didn’t know what to do with it for the longest time.  I thought of buying myself clothes or even buying a cable to connect my computer to my television at The Source and if a cable had indeed existed that could do that, I would’ve bought it.  But instead, I found myself strangely disturbed at the fact that I wanted shiny new things when other people didn’t even have the basics — food, shelter, support.  What kind of person would I be if I went out and knowing that there were less fortunate people out there, proceed to splurge it on myself?  I just couldn’t do it.

I attribute the strange feeling to English Literature class.  At the time, we had been learning about Gulliver’s Travels — not the probably lame Jack Black version, but the real, satirical one — and talking about Swift’s many jabs at humanity.  In fact, I even wrote an entire essay about how I thought humanity was not worth saving (which I got an A on).  Most if not all people during Swift’s time weren’t aware of the problems in society; homelessness, corruption in government, exploitation.  But with the publication of Gulliver’s Travels, and then later with Romantic poets like William Blake, people knew.  Only now, they still didn’t do anything.  True ignorance.

And that’s the hardest part.  Making people care.

Do I still believe humanity is beyond saving?  Proabably.

But there are the few of us who aim to prove otherwise.  I try to be one of those people.

Even if it is a mere $200 at a time.  At an overpriced shopping mall nonetheless.