Interviewing a wall

13 08 2013

How do you have a conversation with someone if they never ask you any questions? Like this, for instance:

Me: I am saying hi, as requested! How’s life?

Him: hey life’s good how r u

Me: Life’s alright. I take it you go to ubc too?

Him: yea I’m on campus

Me: Are you unfortunately taking summer courses?

Him: no I’m working

Me: What do you do? I work as a writing tutor during the school year.

Him: I’m doing some research right now

Needless to say, I’m extremely turned off and uninterested in the conversation. I don’t feel like messaging him anymore. But this has happened countless times, where I ultimately end up basically interviewing a guy who never me about myself. Some people have told me I just have to insert myself and say things, but that feels wrong to me. I tried to do it in the above, to try and make it a conversation, but he completely ignored it. Once, someone I had been chatting with randomly, after we said the usual “hey”s, said “Went on a trip for two weeks” out of nowhere. My immediate reaction was, I didn’t ask so… I don’t really care. Why are you even telling me this? I’ve convinced myself that people think the same thing if I ever try to insert bits about myself without them asking first. But boys don’t ask things, they just talk about themselves, so I end up interviewing a wall. It’s gotten to the point where I will stop responding to messages quicker if there are no questions posed at me; I should feel like a jerk, but I don’t have patience to interview people anymore.

In fact, after that very unstimulating conversation I had today, I wondered if I should point out the fact that he was being so boring and uninteresting but then I thought that’d make me seem bitter, which I suppose I am anyway. Gay boys just can’t seem to know how to have proper conversations and it makes me want to slap them in the face. It makes me want to educate them, and especially to tell them that they really aren’t as interesting as they think they are. In fact, they are as nameless and unmemorable as almost everyone I’ve met online or via apps. Should I say something? I reeeeeeeally want to! Even if it’s a snarky, verbally ironic remark.

So if you’re trying to act coy and play hard to get by not asking questions, try again. It’s not working.

And if I don’t respond to your message about how you went to Japan or that you’re doing research, it’s not because I haven’t had a chance to reply. It’s probably because you make me not give a shit.

Seventeen: Minors on Grindr

21 06 2013

Would it be my responsibility to inform a minor who is using an app intended for adults, such as Grindr, that he shouldn’t be using it? I feel like those who are underage wouldn’t listen to me anyway, that’d I’d simply be some parent-like buzzkill on their ride to sexual exploration, which, as it turns out, I am.

I started talking with this guy who said he was 18 (which is still legally underage in BC) who I thought was cute. After exchanging numbers, I asked him if he was in high school, and he told me he was going into Grade 12. After doing some quick calculation, I asked he was 17, and he laughed and replied that he was.

Okay, so I didn’t want to get all lecture-y on him because no one wants to hear me lecture about how they should do what I tell them, but I feel like this was a different case. So I told him as patiently and concisely as I could about why it’s not a good idea to be a minor and on Grindr. When he said that he knew and that it wasn’t a big deal because he doesn’t use it very often, I felt like my message wasn’t getting across. I could’ve let it go, and maybe I should have. But instead, I went into more detail, about how it’s part of Grindr’s agreement terms that you have to be over 18/the age of majority to download and use the app; I suggested that if he wanted to meet other gay people, that there are social networking sites for youth that he could join instead, and that even in Edmonton, where he lives, there’s bound to be resources for gay/queer youth. I then asked if he could delete Grindr from his phone.

All this was met with silence. I don’t know if he fell asleep or decided to ignore the insane preacher from Vancouver. I think I did the right thing, and yet, I don’t know if it worked or not. I suppose that’s not my call and that I did the best I could, but I don’t feel satisfied.

Sigh. Kids these days.

Technology cleanse

18 05 2013

Lately, I feel like I want to take a break from using my computer, my phone, and my tablet. I don’ t use my tablet often, so that won’t be difficult, but I use my computer and phone every day. It just wears me out. Every time I plan on writing something on my computer, I get distracted by stupid things online and I don’t end up accomplishing what I want to accomplish.

With my phone, I get so caught up texting (not very much, as it is) or playing with apps. A few days ago, I ashamedly got Grindr — just to see if it was as douchey as it seems. It doesn’t alert me when there are new messages (which there are rarely any) so I end up constantly checking it to see if there are any replies to all the messages I sent out. After so many silent rejections from people, it wears you down. I’m in the process of writing about my experience, so at least I can have something to show for my pain and misery.

It all seems not very fair, but that’s the way it crumbles. Cookie-wise.