What to say to people when you have no compliments

An older Chinese lady came up to the desk and was speaking to my colleague. She helped this lady with whatever it was she needed help with. The lady said, enunciating every word, “You have a bright smile” with a Chinese accent. My colleague laughed and thanked her. The lady repeated the phrase again: “You have a bright smile” before explaining that it’s a nice thing to say to people.

My colleague left the desk and I took over. The lady continued, “But you don’t tell men they have a bright smile.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s not fair.”

“You tell them, ‘You are great!'” she replied.

And since my family seems to think I’m the world’s biggest douche, even more so than Donald Trump, for joking that I didn’t like my cousins shirt (yes, really), next time, I’ll just say, unenthusiastically, “You. Are. Great.”

Unwanted book

Man: I got this book for Christmas and I don’t want to read. Do you guys want it?

[Man hands me the book]

Me: Uh… a donation? Sure?

Rich: We can use it when we run out of toilet paper. Or better yet, we can use it in place of toilet paper right now!

Being Invisible

This is how I feel like most of the time, especially around other gay guys. Minus the bag of leaves.

http://on.cc.com/1EPrXlq

Comedy Central’s videos are annoying and can’t seem to be embedded and I’m sick and too tired to look into how to properly do it. So just click on the link and watch it.

Cat plays with windshield wipers

Well, more accurate would be tries to play with windshield wipers.

Crafting with Cat Hair

Leave it to the Japanese to come up with using your cat’s fur to make things.

Why is the Penis Shaped Like That?

For those who ever wondered.

Magic Kitten

I am so intrigued. Even though there is more than one kitten on the cover and thus renders the title inaccurate. But maybe it’s not a kitten? Dun dun dun.

Penis Power

The one superpower that has yet to be featured in a Marvel movie.

No One Cares What You Had for Lunch

Guess I won’t be blogging about my meals anytime soon.

Cacao

Funny sketch from Portlandia.