Monday night of local artists

Last night was a night celebrating local queer artists (or at least, locally-made queer films).  First up was the Queer History Project last series, Riffs on the Theme of Activism, which consisted of 5 short films all dealing with activism in one way or another.  Some were more enjoyable than others, but I don’t feel I should review them because they’re my fellow filmmakers and it makes me a little uncomfortable to be criticising their work.  I will say that the audience seemed even friendlier than usual, probably because it was local filmmakers, which was really cool.

Next up was the Coast is Queer Program, and man, I was excited.  It was the world premier of my short film, Stay — how could I not be?  I was told from friends that the tickets had been sold out online since the weekend and that there were either little or no tickets left at the doors.  I had no idea people wanted to see these films so badly!  I thought that was really cool.  Really cool.

Again, I don’t feel I should review the shorts in the program but that I enjoyed and understood pretty much all the films, which I didn’t last year.  I will say that my favourites in the program were my good friend lisa g’s Sleep Tight, about her and her girlfriend’s fight with bedbugs, Cal Garingan’s well-made (there was obviously a budget!) and humorous Waiting 4 Goliath (which everyone seemed to like), the delightfully funny Ms. Thing, by Karen X. Tulchinsky, and I was pleasantly surprised to enjoy The Heist, a dance video with an actual plot.  Congrats to all the filmmakers and writers and everyone who helped make these great films.

I also just wanted to say that the one person I really wanted to come last night to see the film didn’t make it, and I was kinda disappointed.  Sure, I have it on DVD and I could always show it to him after but I was sort of counting on last night to really make a difference.  Maybe I think the big-screen is more influential than a tv set, or maybe it’s the large audience, and it’s not his fault he couldn’t get in when all the tickets were sold out, but… I guess I just thought it was the night, you know?  I keep thinking about last night, and how it might’ve changed things if I had given the extra ticket to him instead of my sister, or if I had bought a ticket for him in advance and left it at Will Call so he could get in… what would’ve happened?  I know it’s probably useless to dwell on this since obviously I can’t do anything about it, but I can’t help it.  It’s just what I do.  I have to keep reminding myself that yeah, he wasn’t there, but I met this super awesome guy at the afterparty who I may not have met otherwise and that has to count for something, right?

Well, I’m going to see a couple movies tonight with mon ami that I met just last night and more reviews will be coming!

Unpopular me

Let me start off by first saying I feel weird starting off a new post so… vainly/self-centeredly.  It’s weird.  But it’s something that I’ve thought about time and time again so I thought I’d get it down into something concrete.

I’ve never really felt popular, ever since I was little.  Maybe it’s because of my shy nature, which I’m sure is a large part of it.  But then there are still some quiet people who are still somewhat well-known, at least in my high school anyway.  And sure, high school’s not exactly an accurate representation of reality, but if anything, it was a hint at what I was going to expect later in life.

It’s always just been my small group of friends, which I’m of course really happy to have (they’re super people!).  But when I go play shows, it’s always the same small group of friends; there aren’t people who come up to me after to talk a bit or to grab a demo or anything while other musicians seem to pull in fans here and there, leaving me confused.  Should I try to be funnier or talk about different things when I play?  Should I play more familiar songs?  Or maybe…

It’s me.  It’s just the way life goes.  Maybe some of us will only have so many friends, fans and whatnot.  Maybe I’ll never be well-known beyond my family and friends for anything I’ll do.  What a depressing thought.

Sometimes I want to prove myself wrong.  Sometimes I want to add a gazillion friends on facebook and myspace or post up half-naked pictures of myself on online dating sites or make myself over by buying tighter clothes and working out every day in the hopes that maybe more people will notice me.

Notice me.  That’s all I really want from everyone.  To see me.

Other times I just accept it.  I’m just one of those people who doesn’t get noticed.  Too f-ing bad. Deal with it. No matter what I do, no one’s going to take notice of your music, of your films, of any of the things you write.  You’re going to wind up peniless and your mom will phone you up and say, “I told you so!”

And secretly, I wish I could just send an e-mail or something to Ellen Degeneres and introduce myself as a gay musician/artist in BC, and how no one seems to see me.  Then, she’ll read it out on her talk show where she’ll phone me up and I’ll be like, “Holy crap, it’s Ellen!!! WTF!”  and after, she’ll invite me down to the show where I’ll play a song or two on the show and since she’s awesome and so nice, she’ll sign me to her record label (my sister told me she started a record label because of some kid that did a cover of… Lady Gaga?  I think?).

Then maybe people would hear me.

In the meantime, I’ll just be doing random posts like these, for no one (except maybe Chelsea) to read.