Made someone cry today

But in a good way!

I read a short, sad monologue to nine people today and one of them cried. He apologized, and when I told him it was okay because I wanted people to cry, he responded, “Bitch!” He was great.

Mission accomplished.

Reasons why I cry watching Kiki’s Delivery Service

1. I wish I lived in that world — world where magic realism exists, hardships are eventually solved, people are friendly and the only douchebags are other girls who don’t appreciate their grandma’s baking, and I can live in a quaint town on the edge of a beautiful sea. And live rent-free.

2. When Kiki says, “If I lose my magic, I’ll lose absolutely everything.” It make me think of where I’m at; I’ve given up on music and film. If I fail at writing, what will I have left? I’ll have exhausted all possibilities and be left with nothing.

3. The music. Cue music, cue tears.

4. Kiki’s trying and failing to fly after losing her powers. I’ve done so many different things and failed, over and over again. I’m still writing and failing.

5. I really, really wish I could live in the film and not in this world.

Writing difficult/emotional stuff

I’m in the process of writing a personal essay about feeling left behind, specifically when it comes to love. I’m about more than halfway done, but it has been really difficult, at times, to write about it. Part of it is having to sit down and analyze such sad experiences and to think not just why I feel the way I feel, but also explaining why and how sad I am. It can be emotionally exhausting, and more than once tonight, while writing, I’ve had to calm myself from bursting into tears.

Maybe that’s when you know you’re onto something good — when you cry. It could just be because you’re writing personal details, but I think there’s something more. At least with me, when I’ve written something while nearly crying, to me, it means there’s something powerful there, something that could potentially make others cry. And since I’ve made it my goal to make others cry and feel as sad as I have felt (yes, how sadistic of me), that’s certainly a good measure of success. Don’t you think?

Jack and Jill — The Deep Blue Sea

The movie The Deep Blue Sea (not the shark movie, ugh) is out right now, but not a lot of people have heard of it.  It’s a very powerful, understated movie that requires viewers to be patient and analytical of things said, but more importantly, things not said.

It’s not a film for everyone, as it can feel slow to the average short attention-spanned person, but I really liked it.  Here’s one of my favourite scenes, and the first one in the film that made me cry.

Now do you understand?

Eyes bloodshot, you were crying more than I could ever possibly imagine.  No, to imagine would be to have some ground of reality.  But this… required dreaming– a different plane of existence altogether.  Tears ran down your face as you stared at me with pained eyes.

“Now do you understand?  Now do you feel what I’ve felt?” I asked.  It was supposed to make me feel good, for you to experience the utter devastation and pain I went through only recently.  You turned away, blending with the silence around you, and it was then that I realized I didn’t feel good that you were feeling bad.  I felt sad for you.  I pitied you– that you had to go through this, to be haunted by the ghost of yesterday, to feel jabs every time you saw something that reminded me of you and how you lost me– I pitied you because I knew it was one of the worst things one could feel.

Your heart was breaking, and I watched it do so.  I watched it and mine broke for you.