Year End

31 12 2010

This is more for me than anything.  I know reading about my life isn’t the most exciting thing (like many people), but I haven’t written a long personal post in a while.

Fourty-nine minutes to midnight and I’m sitting at my computer, listening to Keane and thinking about how everything’s gone this past year, as I’m sure most people have done sometime today.  I remember last year at around the same time (or was it 2 years ago?), typing up a summary of everything that had happened to me, and noting that I had quite the depressing year overall.

Compared to a year (possibly two), I feel like I am now in a secure place in life; I’m (still) going to school, learning things I love to learn about; I have a fantastic, sweet, and utterly adorable boyfriend; I directed a short script I wrote last year in the summer, which was a great, fun experience; met some unforgettable people whom I continue to influence my life and the creative things I do; finished my demo cd and gave them to people who seemed to want them; lost a former classmate of mine, which was an experience I hope to never feel again (oh, how naive that sounds…); won a $200 gift certificate to Oakridge Mall which I then spent buying food and supplies, donating them to Covenant House.  This is one of the first years I ran fondly recall as a good one, one that I will remember.

I’m glad and thankful to have such an amazing group of friends, who support all my creative endeavours and don’t complain (much) when I make them help me with things I need.  I’m thankful to have good relations (that sounds so formal) with my family and not loathe any of them — well, my immediate family, anyway.  I’m so thankful to be able to express all the things I’m creative at with the world and not have to feel like I’m supressing them in any way.  The only real complaint about this year is how I still feel the lack of impact of everything I do while others seemingly have an easier time.  I have a small group of friends, yes, but things like getting help with my donation campaign really showed me how little/hard it is, at least for me, to make people care/be aware of stuff that I do.  I’ll log on to facebook and I’ll see friends who have a status update with dozens of friends commenting on it, which, honestly, kinda makes me jealous.  It’s not that I want dozens of people commenting on my status, but what I’m trying to say is that I wish more people would take notice of my music (especially), my writing, my films… all that sorta stuff.  Anyway.  I realize it’s hard to make people care and life is not a popularity contest, though I want to feel somewhat popular every now and then, at least with what I do.  That’s not too much to ask for, is it?

Twenty-one minutes to midnight and I’m still typing.  New Year’s resolutions?  Not really.  I set up a blog at the very beginning of this year and I think it’s been quite the success.  It’s sort of gotten me to write a bit more, and for a while in the summer, I posted every single day for more than a month, which I’m very, very pleased with.  In the new year, I suppose I could write more on my blog and in general.  I also want to finish recording some songs, which I’ve been putting off because of my activity with films and stuff for school.  A continuation of my Saturday Morning Documentary series is a definite go and I have to force myself to write more about them, since it’s been a while.  Yup.  That’s about it.

After a truly shitty year, thank you 2010 for making me believe that the future isn’t just full of crap.  I owe you one.

Something feels wrong with me when I say that I feel 2011 is going to be a good year.  Optimism is strange.

Feliz Nuevo Año!




26 01 2010

circa Grade 10, during my trip to England.  I’d like to this of this poem as a how-much-I’ve-grown poem, as it is quite bad.  But judge for youselves.


Apparently when I wake up
I’m supposed to think of school.
And when I get there
I can not break the rules.

Apparently when I see you,
I”m supposed to go insane.
But when I think about it,
You’ve caused me so much pain.

(Side note:  holy crap, this is terrible.  It pains me inside to type these lines.)

You just can’t see how [you] did it? (do you?)
So how can you fix it? (can you?)

Apparently you said it wasn’t me
and it was your fault.
Apparently the time was wrong
So you made a halt.
Surprisingly you denied that I
had seen you with someoneAnd apparently our love had slowly
trickled down to none.