Grow Marijuana Now!

What’s next? Rob a bank now!? The Idiot’s Guide to Prostitution?

Magic Kitten

I am so intrigued. Even though there is more than one kitten on the cover and thus renders the title inaccurate. But maybe it’s not a kitten? Dun dun dun.

Penis Power

The one superpower that has yet to be featured in a Marvel movie.

Letting Go

Something I should probably read since I realized I’m bad at letting people go.

No One Cares What You Had for Lunch

Guess I won’t be blogging about my meals anytime soon.

I want to vomit all over the books

Felt nauseated after eating a veggie croissant today (should’ve gone with the mercury-infused tuna instead). So much for trying to be more vegetarian. I felt like vomitting and I’m sure I would’ve if I continued to think about vomit and puking all over the carpet and the children’s books that are probably full of germs anyway. But I didn’t, so I didn’t vomit.

The end.

The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex

Complete with handy information, such as if you see your ex, don’t hide behind a potted plant, and act nonchalant and be sure to tell them about how you’re “busy” with “things” and that you have “plans.”

Wow, why didn’t I borrow this book?

Old lady

I am to start work at 10am. I arrive at 9:55am. There are people waiting for the library to open when I get there. I make my way past them and knock on the door to get in.

Old Lady: It doesn’t open until ten.

Me: I know. I work here.

Old Lady: Oh. [chuckles] You’re almost late.

Me: [not wanting to get into an argument] Yeah, I know.

And then it bothered me for about another hour.

Fun Book of the Day

A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting

http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Bush-Fine-Vaginal-Fisting/dp/1890159026/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1416551890&sr=8-1&keywords=a+hand+in+the+bush

I should really take pictures with me and these books, eh?

I, Dumbass

Thought I was scheduled to work at one library today but it turns out I wasn’t (and thank god they told me I wasn’t scheduled in advance). I tried to find out where I was supposed to work from 1-5pm like I had written in my agenda, but no such luck searching my inbox for a confirmation email.

“Oh, maybe I was just confused or something,” I thought to myself. Still, I know myself enough to know that I don’t just write down random work days for no reason. I’m not that stupid.

So I took the day off; I went grocery shopping with my mom in the afternoon, then went to watch Guardians of the Galaxy (finally, I know). After the film, I checked my email and lo and behold, there was one from a different branch, telling me I had been scheduled to work today. She even forwarded me the confirmation email that I somehow couldn’t find in my inbox, and sure enough, I said, “I am available to work on Sunday Oct. 12 if you haven’t found anyone.”

Fuccckkkkkkkkkkkk.

Fuck.

I felt so bad, so guilty, so stupid. And yeah, everyone makes mistakes and it’s not like anyone died (that I know of. Maybe they became overwhelmed by books and have now been buried in them forever). I’m sure part of my guilt is that I have high expectations for myself and that I pride myself on being at least above average intelligence, but man, if this isn’t an indicator of the alternative. And it’s not like I can really make it up — except maybe offering to volunteer my services, but I don’t even have time for that — and I’m not sure if there are any consequences for missing a shift (like going on my record or someone from HR officially telling me an idiot, which I already know). Ugh.

I guess I’ll just try to obey what the fortune cookie advised me: to have a relaxing weekend with family and friends.