Douchebags of Grindr

16 05 2013

What an amazing site this is, full of such a broad spectrum of different kinds of douchebaggery as well as intelligent people who converge and rant about how awful gay men really are. I love it.

If there’s one thing I really dislike about the gay community, it’s the amount of racism that goes on. I don’t know how many “not into Asians” I’ve read on gay hookup sites, or even online dating sites. It’s utterly appalling, mostly because they somehow get away with it. And then these people have the nerve to be offended when others are offended at their offensive words.

I found these two comments on douchebagsofgrindr that I think really sum up why it’s not acceptable to say such mean things:

1. “If you exclude an entire race of people from your dating pool you are, by definition, a RACIST. It’s one thing to have a preference, but NO blacks NO asians is just racism. How can you know you won’t be into someone until you meet them…unless you’re a racist?

Truth hurts, doesn’t it, racists?

2. “No, it’s racism dressed up as preference. You are okay to be raising the point about preference – but there is a piece missing in people’s understanding of the subject matter.

Anyone who has spent any substantial amount of time in a foreign culture will automatically understand.

Once you go through an ‘acclimitisation’ phase, suddenly, your attraction evolves. What seemed mishappen, different, unattractive shifts. Perception is powerful. In India, Indians start to seem hot after a while and in Asia, likewise.

People are falsely assuming that there is an ‘absolute’ hegemonic, invariant ‘beauty’.

There actually isn’t! And our disgusting words ‘no Asians’ or worse ‘no Rice’ is simply vomitronic language – harmful to the reader – and to non-Asians in more insidious ways for the normalising of racial abuse.”

Thank you, douchebagsof grindr, for such in-depth sociological discussions of life.



2 responses

11 08 2014

Oy vey, more white people trying to pretend that they’re picking up where Dr. King left off. Give me a break, already. As a bi African-American man, I clearly see all of this absurdly trivial hand-wringing, mutual mental masturbation for what it is. They’re not into Asian guys. Great. More bi ones for me!
As if gay white men give a damn about the real racism that people of color endure on a daily basis…You’re all too busy praising Harvey Milk as if he were the beginning & end of being gay, all while ignoring true pioneers like…you know what? Never mind. You’ll just try to find some pathetic, convoluted, pseudo-bitchy/wannbe-witty response, which will have nothing to do with the actual topic.

11 08 2014

Hello there. I’m not sure about who you’re directing your words at in your second paragraph there, whether you mean me, the writer of the post, or general gay white men. In either case, I do agree with what you’re saying, to an extent. I believe I read somewhere that those who are not oppressed or those who do not suffer the same oppression cannot truly understand what it is like to be oppressed. The best they can do is imagine or empathize, but living and experiencing oppression is much more than just putting yourself in someone’s shoes. I don’t think white men — or any gay men, for that matter — who sympathize and empathize with the those experiencing racism are the ones to blame or get angry at. I see them as allies who, although they may not experience racism directly, at least have the decency to know it is wrong. Those who openly say racist things are the ones we should be getting upset about.

I also agree that gay white men in general don’t prioritize racism in the gay community. Of course, it’s hard for them to see it as a problem if it doesn’t directly affect them, you know? Not that I’m defending their indifference, but I understand why, and I understand why it is difficult to get them to really take these issues seriously.

I sent an email to the editor of the local LGBT newspaper here in Vancouver and suggested that they write about racism in the gay community many weeks back. Never heard from them. I don’t know if they received the email or not, but it was certainly discouraging.

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