Self-conscious and self-critical

18 03 2012

Working on my portfolio application to UBC has been fun for the most part.  There are times, though, while going through my material such as poems and song lyrics, where I realize that what I’m writing isn’t very good.  Perhaps I’m being too self-critical, and I probably am, but I have a certain expectation that everything I should write should be golden– not as in everyone will love it, but that for my own personal expectations, it should be really good.  I have enough poems to submit that I think are pretty good, but for my song lyrics… a lot of them I wrote years ago.  I haven’t written a song in a while, and lyric writing, as I have found, isn’t my strong suit.  I’d much rather take someone else’s words (like my fantastic lyricist friend, Sam West) and give it some music.  I think I’m pretty good with that.  Having listened to good pop music and having paid attention to the lyrics has also made me very self-conscious when I write lyrics and what I write, to the point where I recently scrutinized myself for not writing as cleverly and as poetically as some of my idols do (ie. Sarah McLachlan, Vanessa Carlton, Rufus Wainwright, etc.).  I know I shouldn’t (obviously) be comparing myself to them, but I can’t help it.  I want to be as good as them, and when I’m not, I feel disappointed in myself.

Still, at least I can objectively look at this and know that I have years to improve my writing.  Writing is something that people can always improve on and get better at– unlike me and Math.


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