The Scientist

I finally understand the meaning of the title and this song.

A scientists tests hypotheses, analyzes data and evidence, and comes up with a conclusion.  I realize this may be redundant, as I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, but I’ve been poring over what happened with me and G. these last few months (It’s such a shame for us to part…), analyzing what happened, both our lives and what we wanted, in order to come up with a viable solution.  Even though we had decided to break up, I couldn’t just change my feelings for someone I had been with for more than 9 months. I genuinely felt that our situation was one that could be solved if we– or rather, I– spent enough time to figure things out (Questions of science/science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart).  That’s why I never felt completely terrible when we broke up and the following months because I still thought there might be hope.

It took me half a year to figure it out, to come to a conclusion and a possible solution (I had to find you/tell you I need you).  I think some people think that once a couple breaks up, it’s done forever.  But G. was someone special– obviously, since I was with him for so long (tell you I set you apart).  In addition to thinking about a solution, I also reminisced about all the times we spent together including the times we said “I love you” to each other, all the sweet things I’d do for him, and (last but definitely not least) all the times we had awesome sex.  Essentially, I made myself sad (tell me you love me/come back and haunt me).  A lot of the time, I wished we could try again, and I suggested it to him (Oh, let’s go back to the start…), but to no avail (running in circles/coming up tails/heads on a science apart)

When he told me he was seeing someone, any hope I had left was gone.  I’m not even going to attempt to describe how much it hurt, more than anything he’s claimed he ever done to hurt me (no one ever said it would be this hard). 

And now.  Now with my newfound science and knowledge, I’m forced to start again without him.

I’m going back to the start…

I am the scientist.