Unpopular me

5 06 2010

Let me start off by first saying I feel weird starting off a new post so… vainly/self-centeredly.  It’s weird.  But it’s something that I’ve thought about time and time again so I thought I’d get it down into something concrete.

I’ve never really felt popular, ever since I was little.  Maybe it’s because of my shy nature, which I’m sure is a large part of it.  But then there are still some quiet people who are still somewhat well-known, at least in my high school anyway.  And sure, high school’s not exactly an accurate representation of reality, but if anything, it was a hint at what I was going to expect later in life.

It’s always just been my small group of friends, which I’m of course really happy to have (they’re super people!).  But when I go play shows, it’s always the same small group of friends; there aren’t people who come up to me after to talk a bit or to grab a demo or anything while other musicians seem to pull in fans here and there, leaving me confused.  Should I try to be funnier or talk about different things when I play?  Should I play more familiar songs?  Or maybe…

It’s me.  It’s just the way life goes.  Maybe some of us will only have so many friends, fans and whatnot.  Maybe I’ll never be well-known beyond my family and friends for anything I’ll do.  What a depressing thought.

Sometimes I want to prove myself wrong.  Sometimes I want to add a gazillion friends on facebook and myspace or post up half-naked pictures of myself on online dating sites or make myself over by buying tighter clothes and working out every day in the hopes that maybe more people will notice me.

Notice me.  That’s all I really want from everyone.  To see me.

Other times I just accept it.  I’m just one of those people who doesn’t get noticed.  Too f-ing bad. Deal with it. No matter what I do, no one’s going to take notice of your music, of your films, of any of the things you write.  You’re going to wind up peniless and your mom will phone you up and say, “I told you so!”

And secretly, I wish I could just send an e-mail or something to Ellen Degeneres and introduce myself as a gay musician/artist in BC, and how no one seems to see me.  Then, she’ll read it out on her talk show where she’ll phone me up and I’ll be like, “Holy crap, it’s Ellen!!! WTF!”  and after, she’ll invite me down to the show where I’ll play a song or two on the show and since she’s awesome and so nice, she’ll sign me to her record label (my sister told me she started a record label because of some kid that did a cover of… Lady Gaga?  I think?).

Then maybe people would hear me.

In the meantime, I’ll just be doing random posts like these, for no one (except maybe Chelsea) to read.


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